Fragile Heart
by nekocandy4life
Summary: "Please no!" He begged "Make them stop! Senpai please! Please don't let them do this senpai! SENPAI!" I just stood outside listening to his pleas; allowing my friends to take care of him. I hated him since we met but…why am i allowing this? He doesn't/didn't deserve it. The more we spent time together i realized i loved him. And still i let it happen. I'm sorry…Oda.
1. the new guy

**New story yeah!**

**hopefully you all like it (even just a bit lol ^_^) and to spice things up (for my sake lol) I MIXED COUPLES IN THIS THING. **

**Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ah!**

**don't worry it won't stay that way. I'll be sure to put the ukes back to the right semes but first~ *EVIL SMIRK***

**Enjoy if you dare~**

_**Fragile Heart**_

"Pssssss!" Kisa beckoned me even though we are completely in the middle of work! Not to mention its hell week and we are all going nuts trying to get these half ass authors to finish their damn manga's! Haaah…the things I do for my lover.

"What is it?" I ask "We're all busy Kisa so make it quick."

Not to mention we're surrounded by our coworkers.

"Did you hear!" more gossip huh "About the new guy coming in!"

New guy…ah! "You mean our soon to be new shojo editor named Onodera I think."

"Yeah! That's the guy! I heard he has some mental issues to work out or something."

"Oh?" Mino joined in smiling his creeper smile "Mental issues you say? He's 'special' then?"

"Oh no" now they're forget I'm here "He's not retarded. He's actually the opposite; really smart but I heard something happened when he was young (bullying maybe) that sent him off the edge at one point."

"I see." Mino continues to smile.

"Yeah…" Kisa's face falls remembering when he was young. He once told me how badly he got bullied that he transferred three schools because of it. "I hate bullies. When he comes, I'll be sure to be his best friend!" he promises out loud.

"Great" I playful glare "Now get back to work before I 'punish' you."

Catching my drift he goes to work immediately while Mino chuckles and does the same.

Yes the company knows of mine and Kisa's relationship. They don't care. It's not against their policy so we're good and nobody judges.

Going back to my own manuscript my mind wonders what this Onodera guy is like. I don't know why I keep wondering about him but what Kisa said stung me.

**I hate bullies as well.**

They piss me off and just thinking about someone that was bullied to the point of becoming mentally wrecked makes me angry.

**It's like a past coming back to haunt me.**

Guess we'll have to make this Onodera person comfortable here so he won't flip or whatever.

* * *

**!A WHOLE FRIGGIN LONG ALL NIGHTER LATER!**

Ahh….I hate hell week.

Thank god it's the last day for it. I can finally rest today yes!

"Here we are— ah!" I hear one of the work official's shrieks but I shrug it off as nothing and continue to rest my eyes with a magazine on my head. They should know this is how we look at the end of the cycle. It's not anything new.

"Ah!" now I hear a new voice.

Then the official lady's voice again as she apologizes hastily then scampers off.

Curious I peek through the magazine. Standing at the foot of the door looking scared as hell was some guy with brown copper hair defying ever rule in gravity and big green doe eyes.

Green eyes…

_"Don't let them do this senpai!"_

Gah!

"E-eto…" I see the newbie tapping Kisa's shoulder then jump back quickly when Kisa fell out the chair like a dead man.

Mr. Newbie starts looking around at others for help but they avoid him. Brows twitching a bit he asks Kisa if he's alive and if he needs help getting up.

"You must be the new guy…" my lover says weakly then points to me "He's the boss…" then collapses again.

"Eh?!" looking in my direction now he makes his way to me.

Shit.

"Ano…excuse me" he bows as I menacingly remove the magazine from my face to look at him.  
"Ohayo gozamisu, my name is Onodera Ritsu and I'll be working here from now on."

"Have you worked in shojo before?" I interrogate because there's no way in hell he's the kind of guy to work in shojo. He doesn't look like it!

"Ah…uh…no actually" SEE! "I worked in literature in my last company before I transferred here and well…they put me here." He gets this sad kicked puppy look as if he hates it here already.

It pisses me off.

"Tsk. Useless" I say wanting him to hear me.

"Whaa—!" a fire of anger sparks in his eyes "That rude you know. I may not know anything about SHOJO but I learn fast so there's no need for name calling."

Wow.

So he does have balls to fight back.

Glaring at each other I had to fight the urge to blink. Something about him reminds me so much of someone I know. Someone I don't want to remember because it's too painful.

Thankfully in was saved by the phone going off or else I would have lost this cold war.

"Hello!" I snap "What the fuck!" I screamed at my useless mangaka for being late in delivering her manuscript. "Be right down. Oi newbie!" I yell "Follow me."

"M-me? but I..."

"Don't tell me you're wussing out already newbie." Why am I saying these things?

"Not at all." His glares could kill me if I was able show my emotions on my face.

"Then come."

In the meeting room I look over the mangaka's work. All is good accept for "The kissing scene."

"Huh?" she looks at me.

"This kissing scene here looks drab. Fix it."

"Ah…o-ok."

Minutes pass when she gives it back "No it still looks wrong." I say sighing "Haven't you ever kissed before?"

Behind me, the newbie looks at me like 'what the hell?! Sexually harassment!?' but I disregard him and go back to the blushing woman in front of me.

"eheheh…" nervous laughter "Y-yes I have but you can't see yourself kissing."

Hmmm… "Good point."

Looks like the newbie is of use after all.

"Fine; watch closely got it." I rise turning to the newbie who tries going by me with a 'I'll go get some references.' Like hell you will dumb ass.

Grabbing his wrist, I spin him around to face me then catch his lips with mine while cupping his chin with my thumb. Once we kissed; something stung inside me. Like a jolt of electricity went up my entire body making me warm; making me feel that our lips belong together but like hell I'll let that show!

Both him and the mangaka freaks out exploding in crimson red blush.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" he yells jumping back away from me faster than lighting "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

You tell me "Reference." For your information "Did you get that?" I go back to the lady who is drawing away furiously that steam begins coming out the pencil.

Onodera is looking away from us still blushing with an angry look. His face says embarrassment but those green eyes scream HATRED; like he's remembering something that ruined his life or something. Its scary how those eyes remind me of _someone._

Heh.

Drama queen, it was ONLY a kiss.

_'Was it?'_

...

* * *

_**HOURS LATER OF MORE HELL MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_

I'm on my way to the cafeteria room to get some coffee when I over hear half ass workers from the sapphire department gossiping away.

To add to my distress, they are talking about the newbie.

Urg!

The whole day I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. I know it's wrong since I'm dating Kisa but I can't get it out my head! The way our lips just perfectly melded together and how soft his lips were. I wanted more…

Gah!

I need to stop thinking about it dammit!

"Hey! I heard Onodera is the son of the president of Onodera publishing!"

"Wow really?"

"Why he transferred?"

"Hmm…I heard he was getting harassed over there but I don't know."

So he's the heir to Onodera Company.

He's a weird guy for quitting there if you ask me.

Speak of the devil!

In the corner, sitting alone looking defeated as hell was no other than Onodera himself. He was staring at his drink in hand. Probable recommencing something I guess.

_Ba-bump!_

The fuck?

Why did my heart just go 'Ba-bump'?

Dafuq?! How the hell did I get by him?

"Hey you." I ruffled his hair before I can stop myself and scaring the life out of him "I heard you're the son of the Onodera publishing. That true?"

Eyes wide then narrows "Yeah…but I don't care and don't touch me." he swiped my hand off his head.

"I see. Why you transfer?"

"Stuff happened" stuff "I'm just bummed I got put in shojo…" he mumbles the last part.

"Oh well, live it."

"Tsk!"

Don't give me that look!

Looking away I walked back to the office forgetting my damn coffee. What the hell is it that scares me completely when looking in those hateful eyes? What the hell did I do to deserve such look?

Later that night, when all of us were already going home, he stayed in the office. Reading and going over stacks full of manga we have ever published. Good luck with that! It'll take a long ass time to read all that jerk.

Staring, I noticed his facial features soften enormously while reading. That look was so calm and focused with a hint of admiration…

_'Senpai.'_

Che!

Go away voice!

Berating myself once again I walk to the lobby meeting Kisa who was waiting for me at the door.

"Masamune!" he squealed "Can we go now?"

I gave him a grunt as we walked out and down the dark cemented sidewalk.

Spending time with my lover might help me forget the past. Yeah that's right. I need some time to NOT think, only spend with my boyfriend.

"By the way, that Ricchan is quite jaded huh."

Why are you talking about him? More over nick naming him 'Ricchan'?

"But I guess that's to be expected. Still! I shall get him to warm up don't worry!" smiles of determination huh Kisa. Just don't get me involved alright.

"And guess what!" my chibi smiled waiting for me to respond. Once I did he went all out on giggling.  
"Ricchan went to your high school when he was a freshman!"

Stopping in my tracks I looked at him with a "Are you serious" look.

"Yes! I saw him carrying a bunch of books up stairs and when I asked why he told me he was going to read all of them. From there we got into a conversation. Turns out, he used to read a lot in high school. Spent almost every day in the library too, well, before he transferred that is."

My stomach went up my throat.

I hate where this might go.

"Why did he transfer?" PLEASE GOD UP THERE LET MY HUNCH BE WRONG DAMMIT!

"He wouldn't say" Thank god "when I asked why he clamped shut. But~" oh god "He did go by a nick name back then."

A nickname?

"What was it?"

_**"****Oda."**_

And like that my life turned upside down.

* * *

**Give me your thought ne?  
**

**If you have any questions please pm me or something.**

**though i won't promise to give you guys a spoiler lolX3 **

**why is our dear Takano nervous as hell/ what is Takano hiding?**

**FIND OUT NEXT TIME!**

**X3**


	2. past betrayal

**Forgive this shortie, don't really have much time right now to make a long chapter (school TT_TT) but i do want you guys to get what happened but in my warped up mind there's more to it than meets the eye.**

**I just have to type it:p**

**enjoy~**

* * *

_"Senpai!" running towards me was my uke Oda with his parted hair and aloof smile. So innocent as he tripped but still got to his feet as he ran in the library. _

_"Shh this is the library. It's supposed to stay quiet." I chided. No one was in there besides us two. Well…that's what I made him believe anyways. _

_"Guess what!" those green orbs glistened at me, revealing nothing but pure love. God. Why am I doing this to someone so innocent? _

_Shadows smile hiding between the shelves all around us. A perfect cave for a young lamb to stumble in to and sadly one naïve one did._

_"Senpai…" he became nervous but his whole body glowed. "R-remember my secret…" he waited til I nodded "W-well I – I"_

_"Oi Masamune!" my friend Hahira and leader of our gang came out of hiding, grinning like he won a grand prize. "Is this the cutesy you've been hanging with?" he looked Oda up and down licking his lips. "He sure is pretty. Sure he's a dude?"_

_The rest of the gang emerged surrounding Oda who shook with fear. "S-senpai?" he looked at me pleadingly as Hahira lifted his chin rubbing him up and down. _

_"Hey kid, wanna have a bit of fun." He licked his face then viciously shoved him to the floor. "Hold him boys!" he ordered ripping open Oda's shirt and devouring him._

_"Senpai!" he cries out for help struggling, fighting, anything to get them off him. But I just watch; battling myself within as the rest began violating him._

_'Why am I'm doing this again? I don't hate him like I use to. Heck! I even slept with him more than once and I get this warm feeling when I'm with him. What is this feeling? Just…what the hell is it?!_

**_'Love'_**

_..._

_"Oi Masamune." Hahira laughs "You joining?" speechless and spiteful at what I've done…I walked out. Once I did the cries became louder/ more desperate._

_"Please no!" He begged "Make them stop! Senpai please! Please don't let them do this senpai! SENPAI!" I just stood outside listening to his pleas; allowing my friends to take care of him. _

_I hated him since we met but…why am I allowing this? He doesn't/didn't deserve it. The more we spent time together I realized I loved him. And still I let it happen. I'm sorry…Oda. _

* * *

**Yeah...warped mind anyone?**

**please review ne.**

**Takano: WHY THE HELL WOULD I ALLOW THAT!? I LOVE ONODERA!**

**Me: Because i said you did 0_e**

**Ritsu: W-what happened?! *Hides in fear***

**Takano: Oh Ritsu *goes to hug him***

**Ritsu: *slaps Takano* DON'T TOUCH ME! *runs away***

**Me: VICTORY! IN YOUR FACE TAKANO! **

**Takano: O_O**


	3. brunch

**Long chapter people!**

**might post more later on (who knows) lol enjoy and before i forget~**

**disclaimer~ *ahem* yeah...me no own SIH or the characters EXCEPT for Fuji! and forgive my blabbering in here (i'm sick):**

_'Senpai!'_

"no…"

_'Ah! Ah! Sen..pa!'_

"Ta—no!"

_'Come back! D-don't leave me please!'_

"TAKANO SAN!"

***smack***

Owe! I woke up jumping out of my chair but hit my head on something.

"Owe…" or someone. Looking down, Onodera was on the floor holding his head with his eyes closed.

Oh. So that's what I hit.

Damn. I have to get it together.

A week passed and he** STILL** hasn't recognized me…yet.

The apprehension is driving me to insanity!

I have to put my guards up every second of my work day seeing him to keep those emotions buried.

Sorrow

Guilt

And l…lo "Here." Still holding his head, the newbie hands me papers.

"Be careful next time." God I sound like I'm blaming him.

"Well SORRY." And there that infamous glare again, yikes.

Don't frown like that.

Go back to smiling that aloof smile.

This whole week was hell I tell you!

Even now I have to stop myself from grabbing him and planting kisses while apologizing my heart out! Embracing him so perfectly in my arms while—

Gah!

Stop it! You have Shouta remember that!

"Oi Ricchan~" my lil raven comes up and glomps him. Visible, Onodera flinches with paranoia set deep in his eyes but quickly hides it and grins a little.

At least he gets along with Shouta.

"You wanna go drinking with us? It'll be a late welcoming party for you!"

"Uh…" sweat dropping, Onodera looks at his watch then smiles apologetically "Ano sorry, I can't. maybe some other time ne."

"Oh~" a devilish smile graced my lover's lips as he crept closer to the brunet "Got a date I see~"

At the word 'date' Onodera's face went beet red as he stutters a denial "N-no!" defensively.

"Oh~ a girl or guy?" Shouta continued mercilessly.

"Hah?!" his fifty shades of red went redder.

"Ah don't be so defensive Ricchan. I'm only messing with you. We don't care if you're gay, I'm gay!" he shouted proudly.

"Y-you are?"

"Yep! You can ask Masamune, he is MY boyfriend!" hugging me affectionately.

Great.

Onodera's eyes widen staring at me while shaking a little.

"—ka—" (?) "Ah—ha"

He turns around from us covering his mouth as his small frame shook violently now.

Is he having some sort of panic attack?!

Or…did he recognize me at last?

"Oi—"

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHA!"

L-laughing?!

Yes. He broke out in a laughing fit.

"R-Ricchan?" my lovers just as confused as I am, thinking what he's laughing about.

"Ahem…gomen" recomposing himself holding his stomach from the ache "It just, well he doesn't look like the type to date." Pointing at me, giggling.

Offended I demand "What's that supposed to mean?" glaring and got glared back at.

"What I mean is you don't look the type to date. More like you look like a playboy."

"Yeah" Shouta intercedes "But once you get to know him, Masamune is sweet and kind. A big softy!"

For a moment, Onodera blankly stares at him like he was a memory that was long ago forgotten.

Then…On my god!

He smiles that bright smile that immediately lightens up the entire office. That aloof, pure Oda smile that warms even the coldest heart.

The trance seems to be interrupted though as that smile fades and complete hurt glosses his jade eyes. I know what must have ended his nice memory.

"W-well" he looks away awkwardly "I have to go now so…good work? Jana."

Finish packing, he leaves.

Once Onodera's out of sight Shouta exclaims "Oh my god! Did you see his smile?! He looked so cute like an angel!" squealing "If Ricchan smiled like that more often, people (women AND men) would be after him for sure!"

Mino nods agreeing as they head out for lunch (and more gossip I bet) leaving me and my second in command Hatori alone.

"Just me and you now eh" I smirk "Wanna head out for brunch?"

* * *

We go to this new café that opened up. Its close and fairly nice with peace and quiet; something to get my aching mind off things.

We're waiting for the waitress to bring our orders when Hatori calls.

"Hey isn't that Onodera?"

"Hah?!"

Waiting outside in the front of the giant window is the copper haired newbie. Looking around nervously for someone.

It reminds me of the time back in high school when I went to a fast food place and found him doing the exact same thing outside that place.

Heh…most of sure have changed but I see some habits never die.

"Onodera" pulling me back to reality, I freak when Hatori gets up making his way to the guy.

"Oi! Don't call him!" I get up to stop him when—

"Ritsuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~!" some long haired pony tailed blond prince looking man as tall as me glomps him!

I see it from the window how he affectionately hugs Onodera and pats his head. A strong sting of jealously takes a stab at my heart seeing Onodera smile at said man.

They're talking for a while when another prince looking guy goes up to them ruffling Onodera's hair.

"Friends?" Hatori sits back down.

God only knows he is as curious as I am about their relationship to Onodera.

They come inside and sit at a booth in front of our view. Onodera in the middle and the two prince guys on both sides of him. Coincidentally, they are also in our ear shot of hearing. Good thing I also bought my glasses with me!

Mr. Pony tailed man keeps hugging him despite Onodera's protest and cute glare.

"G-get of Fuji!" he whines pushing him with his might "Kou get him off!"

Man named Kou chuckles at the scene but helps anyways pulling the one named Fuji off.  
"Come on Fuji; give Ritsu's space even though it is his fault for making us worry."

Why can't I be on first name basis with Onodera?

Another stab of jealously strikes me.

"A whole year you disappeared on us. We were worried you know." the man grabs his face gently.

I had to calm myself from jumping over there and pulling my ex away.

Ex?

That stings man. Stings really bad.

"Sorry" Onodera looks down "I have been busy with everything and now with my new job and all."

"New job? Where at?"

"Marukawa publishing."

"Department?" Onodera sheepishly smiles "S-shojo."

At the same time both princes shout "WHAT?!"

Shushing them, Onodera (damn it Ritsu! What? I can say it in my mind you know 0_e) tells them to quiet down and not cause a scene.

"We thought you are only interested in literature. What happened?"

Sighing "They put me in shojo, I had no say in it."

"Oh" Fuji ruffles his hair again!

Damn stop touching him will you!

"Well how is it? Make any new friends or did you go emo again and remained antisocial?"

"NO! it's confusing but I'm getting the hang of it and the job gets my mind of 'things' so no rest. Can't really say I understand the love stories though. It's all fake and creeping but oh well can't complain."

"Well did at least make friends?"

"Yes I guess."

"Names."

"Well so far the only one I'm comfortable with would be Kisa san. He sort of reminds me of you guys only a bit more nosy. But friendly and helps me out a lot so I get along well with him."

"What about the others?"

What is this? His first day of friggin school?

"Ano….there's 3 more guys there."

"All guys editing shojo?"

"Yes, anyways, after Kisa there is Mino who scares me. He's friendly and smiles a lot but…he reminds me of someone I wish I can erase from memories you know."

Mino reminds him of someone?

"After Mino is Hatori." Hearing his name, Hatori perks up obviously curious of what the newbie will say about him. "Hatori is quiet but hard working and reliable. If only his mangaka was the same." Hatori nods to himself at this.

"Lastly there's my boss; Takano san."

Hearing my name I hold my breath waiting for my description. Nothing.

"Well?"

"Well what?" his eyebrow twitches.

Kou "Tell us about your boss!"

**"He's a tyrant."**

Damn just stab me in the heart and rip it out will you.

"He's rude, demanding, deathly scary when yelling at the authors, has a bad habit of throwing staplers at his workers and calling them half assed! But…"

But what?

"What he does and says does holds truth in them. I mean, like today. I had to go with him to his author's place and I swear all the artists looked like the walking dead in the flesh!"

Hatori chuckles at this.

"I seriously was expecting to get bitten or something! Well anyways while we're cutting and pasting the words on the pages, the mangaka starts crying asking if her manga was worth it. I felt bad for her, but Takano yelled at her to 'quiet whining and continue working'. The things he said was harsh and I didn't want to hear any more so I thought I'll cheer her up by telling her I can't wait for the next chapter. I made and idiot of myself though. Turns out my boss was yelling at the publishing department when he was on the phone earlier and managed to extend her due date giving us more than enough time to finish."

True…

"So yeah, he's mean but admirable at some point enough for me to respect him. Like a hateful respect in a way I guess."

A painful burning sensation constricted my heart tightly at those words. He respects me as a worker but hates me as myself.

Where did all his love go?

"Hey what happened there?" Fuji (Again damn it!) grabs his wrist pulling up the sleeves to reveal a bandaged arm.

Immediately Ritsu pulls his arm away covering it back up.

"What did you do?!" They bomb him with interrogations "You didn't do THAT again did you!"

"I didn't do anything! Why do you assume I did something to hurt myself?!"

"LIAR!"

Intervening, Kou shoves the glomping guy's face away from Ritsu's.

"Then tell us what happened Ritsu." He says calmly.

"I got cut on glass." Bluntly.

"How?"

Gasping, Ritsu claps his hands together startling all of us "That's what I forgot to tell you!" a wide smile (that I couldn't bring to his sweet face) cuts across his mouth with a blush.

"I got a new apartment!"

"Really?"

"Yes! I got cut when I was moving a box of glass plates but dropped it."

Wow…

"Clumsy" Mr. Glomps teases.

"S-shut up!" glaring then going back to grinning when his other friend asks what the apartment looks like. "It's really nice!" happiness flows out of him "Better than my last one. It has a living room with a big shelf to put my books at! Well most of them anyways! The kitchen is spacious so cooking won't be a hassle (if I ever get the time to cook again). I have no guest room (which is fine with me) and everything is just what I've been looking for!"

"Hmm…sounds plain."

Hell yeah it sounds plain.

"So what!" Ritsu hits his friend on the head "It's simple but I like it! And the walls are thick so no one will hear me in case I scr—" he stops realizing he's shouting and blushes crimson."

"Screaming in your sleep." They finish the sentence loud enough for MY ears to pick up.

"SHHHHHH!" my subordinate puts both hands on their mouths "Don't say those things for all to hear!"

Taking the hand off, Fuji says "Ritsu. Have you been taking your medicine like your suppose to?"

Medicine!

"…"

"Ritsu."

"Don't need them."

"Ritsu!" Kou grabs him "You need them to sleep! Without them you'll never be calm! Why haven't you been taking them like you suppose to?!"

"Let me go Kou! I told you I don't need them anymore! The nightmares aren't as frequent as they use to be and with my new job keeping me busy day and night going to sleep is much easier so there's nothing to worry about."

"Still…" Fuji takes his hand and squeezes "The nightmares will never go away if you don't take them." Silent envelops the three making me and Hatori uncomfortable from our own table thinking 'what kind of nightmares does he have that he needs medication?'

Gulping, I have a good guess.

"So…" Ritsu breaks the silent "Wanna help me move my things in the new apartment?"

Shrugging they get up, pay for the meal, dragging the smaller guy with them out the door.

From the window I see the Fuji guy picking Ritsu up in his arms earning punches in the chest but laughs it off and they walk away.

I want to be like that with him again.

Calling him by first name.

Hugging him.

Making him smile and tell me everything going on in his life.

They make it look so simple.

How can I get close to him again?

"Well this was an interesting brunch." Hatori pays for the meals "We should get back to work ourselves."

Still stunned and hurt I nod in agreement.

My guilt plunges deeper in my gut like a knife at the bits of information I leaned today.

My Ritsu has to take medicine prescribed by doctors for nightmares that haunt him for how long?

He's jaded, distant, not that sweet Oda I knew.

But my heart still feels attached to him. Yearning to hold him again and take all the pain away.

I still love him even now_._

_I want to make you love me again._

With new found determination in my heart, mind, and soul I go back to work thinking how to win him back and…break up with Shouta.

But do I reveal to him my true identity?

* * *

**WOOO!  
**

**Finally got him to admit and vow to loving Ritsu and again!**

**how will this go?**

**well since i love some drama~**

***evil smirk***

**They're in for the long run hahaha**

**REVIEW!**


	4. it's my fault

**Urg!**

**Summer, why must you hate me so?**

**Sorry people I am sick and was feeling good earlier but now…now I think I want to faint**

**Enjoy~ you know I always have to have meh Ritsu's povXD**

***cough***

* * *

_**"****Push Onodera push!" nurses yelled, doctors urged as I was split in have down there making me scream from the painful process until it was over.**_

"_**Here you go" Miss nurse handed the bundle to me.  
A baby boy.**_

_**So innocent and pure but also…  
A stillborn.**_

* * *

_I Remember perfectly how I felt. _

_The dark pit of depression I spiraled down into after the betrayal done to me._

_The only thing holding me together was OUR child. A piece of him that remained with me during those frightful days, taken away before even possessing life._

_The women part of me wailed and mourned for god in heaven to give the child back. While the male part of my now warped psych went fully and utterly numb._

_Locking his heart now filled with deep cracks, away. Barricaded with an armor melded with __**anger **__and steeled with __**hatred.**_

_A crashing eruption of silent emotions swirled in me, breaking out of my once strong blanket of faith all at once._

_What has happened to me was unforgivable!_

_Every second changed me; morphed me into a new creature that can never shine brightly again._

_Trust broken…_

_Dreams shattered…_

_A fragile heart already broken down into dust leaving no remains to be put back together._

_HE didn't lift a finger to help me when I was held down, stripped bare for all to see, and invaded by numerous guys looking to satisfy the hard-ons. Quenching their thirst for flesh. My flesh._

_HE walked away not caring what would become of me in the hands of wolves. What DID become of me._

_Didn't look for me the WEEK I went missing or apologized when I was finally found and hospitalized._

_**But Fuji and Kou did.**_

_They were the only smiles of my months in the hospitals._

_When I went missing THEY searched far and wide for me until found._

_After a of betrayal_

_A week of horror_

_And a soon lifetime world of mental damage to come._

_When I finally caved and lost hope of my cries being heard THEY heard my voice. Freeing me from the hell of hells._

_THEY were the ones that picked me up when I lost my baby and my state of mind. THEY helped me smile again._

_Mostly Fuji, who never once left my side when pushed away so many times._

_Oh, if I were still naïve innocent me, I wish it was him I fell head over heels for. _

**_Not of Saga senpai._**

_Because of you senpai, I have nightmares, recollections of all I suffered._

_The groping_

_The biting_

_The choke holds and tortures._

_Most of all, the precious gift I lost because of you._

_I know this but then why does my heart keep blaming myself?_

_Tormenting me with _'what I could have done'_ and _'If only'_ thoughts like;_

_"If only I didn't trust him."_

_"If only I never met him."_

_"I should have kept my distance."_

_"Should have rejected to meeting him that day."_

_But I didn't._

_And I paid the price for my stupidity with the cost of my baby's life that I didn't hang onto hard enough._

_**It is my fault lil Saga will never see day, only night.**_

* * *

**Don don doooooon!**

**DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YOU?**

**HA!**

**YES THIS WILL BE AN M-PREG.**

**IF ANY OF YOU DEAR READERS REMEMBER IN MY STORY (IF YOU READ IT THAT IS) CALLED 'PICK UP THE PIECES' (I FORGOT WHAT CHAPTER) THEN REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU I SOOOOOOOOOOO WANTED TO MAKE AN M-PREG FANFIC.**

**WELL HERE IT IS!**

**X3**

**HE'S NOT PREGNANT YET BUT HE WILL BE (I JUST HAVE TO PLANE IT OUT LOL)**

**ALSO I WILL EXPLAIN HOW HE'S ABLE TO GET PREGNANT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.**

**OK?**

**SO REVIEW AND PLEASE DON'T JUDGE.**

**REMEMBER, WHEN IT COMES TO MY IMAGINATION YOU MUST ALWAYS HAVE AN OPEN MIND!**

**THANKS *SNEEZES* STUPID COLD )X**

**(~^_^)~**


	5. have to leave

**Urg School, finals, FRENCH! Why must you all be a pain in my friggin butt?!  
One day people…ONE. DAY.  
*Dark shadowed face***

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_**Journal entry 1:**_

_壊れやすい心__  
__あなたの心が壊れてされた後、あなたは本当に信頼することはありません。__  
__ほこりのように、それは地球の端に離れて散乱__  
__一緒に戻って入れないするん。_

* * *

"_Ritsu! Ritsu come back!"_

_Who is calling me?_

"_Have you lost your mind?!"_

_Yes…I believe I have._

"_Get down from there it's dangerous! You'll get hurt!"_

_I don't want to get down._

"_We understand what you're going through but you don't have to do this!"_

_Ke… "NO YOU DON'T! You know nothing!"_

_They're killing me._

_The dreams of saga senpai_

_The shame of myself_

_The baby…_

_Haunting me every night and day reminding me how weak I am._

_I have to get rid of them._

_I have to leave._

_Leave…_

_Leave and go to my baby who needs me._

"_Ritsu don't do it!"_

_One foot in front of the other now…come one._

"_NO! DON'T!"_

_Their voices go dull as I get closer to the edge._

_One more step_

_One more and I'm free._

"_Oda!"_

_With a foot in the air I look down at that voice._

_No…it can't be…_

_His amber eyes stare into me,_

_Piercing me._

_Trapping me in darkness._

_I have to leave._

_Leave._

_Leave him._

_Do it!_

_And I do._

"_Oh my god! No!"_

"Ne Ritsu…" Fuji leans his head on my shoulder as we sit and rest from bringing boxes in. "Do you think you'll ever be able to get pregnant again?"

The question plunges itself sharply in my heart making me freeze ice cold thinking back on my first pregnancy and how that turned out.

What the doctors said was like ending my life.

"…I don't know really. The doctors said I won't ever be able to since my stomach is all in knots now…"

"Hn" his soft reddish brown eyes gaze at me as he weaves his hand in mine "Well if you could again…would you want to?"

Anticipation, fear, nervousness…it's all in those warm eyes, hypnotizing me making me ponder the question as it settle itself between us.

It would be a miracle for me to get pregnant again. What with my weak body and fragile 'girl part'. Plus I doubt I would be able to be intimate without having flash backs but…a baby so small and pure, who wouldn't want that?

"If I wasn't me then yes. I would want to get pregnant again." I answer honestly. Fuji can do better than me. I'm too messed up (you can ask ALL my doctors.)

Hurt flashed through his eyes, reflecting the pain in mine. When my firstborn died, Fuji was the one that cried for me, despite my hateful words and constant out lashes.

_"NO YOU DON'T! You know nothing! You don't know me or my feelings so shut up and get out! Leave me alone! __**I hate you!**__"_

….

"I'm sorry Fuji." I looked down remembering those words spoken from the heart "I'm sorry for saying such hateful words to you back then."

Smiling, he kiss my cheek softly "It's ok. You needed to get you anger out."

Chucking I say "Yeah but I took it out on the wrong person."

Smiling like sad idiots we are, Kou comes in with the last of my boxes.

"Man you have more books than I remember Ritsu!"

"Haha yeah!" his brother Fuji joins in taunting me til I'm beet red.

"S-shut up! So what if I love to read a lot! Stupid brothers!" blushing I get up and go to the door making sure I have my wallet and keys "I'm going to get some groceries." Declaring I walk out and hear the neighbor door besides mine open as well.

Being polite, I turn and bow greeting my new neighbor "Ah, good evening."

"What are you stalking me?"

Ke!

This voice…I look up and…damn it; why him of all people?!

My boss is my neighbor and glaring from his door.

"Oh it's you." I say bluntly turning away.

"Is that any way to talk to your superior?" I can just feel his smirk and it is pissing me off!

"For your information that's at work this isn't— oof!"

From my door (which I forgot to close) Fuji jumps out and glomps me to the ground squealing "We wanna go too!"

Gah! His body is heavy "OK! Get off me and you can come! Get off!" coughing when he does I get up and brush dust off my clothes.

"Ricchan?" (?) kisa comes out of Takano san's apartment.

Well he did say they were dating. Maybe they live together?

Why do I even care?

"You live here?" he asked suspicious I think.

"Just moved in!" only thinking about **MY **own apartment makes me happy and aloof.

"Cool!" My coworker glomps me making me stiffen greatly.

I will never be used to others hugging me unless they're Kou and Fuji. Those two are the only people I trust and will be calm around.

Letting go at last Kisa san asks "You heading out?"

"Going to the store actually."

"Oh! We'll go with you!" he grabs Takano san's hand "Who're your friends Ricchan?" he stares at Fuji and Kou.

…is he drooling a bit?

Well they do look like models so it's no surprise really if even guys drool over them.

Gesturing to them I introduce them to my friends "This is Yukina Kou and Yukina Fujiwara. They're my friends and they're going with me to the store so…"

"Nonsense!" Kisa persists with a determine glint in his brown eyes "It'll be fun to hang out outside of work you know, like real friends hanging out!"

Blushing a lil I sort of agree. The only friends I've kept and hang out with since **'IT'** happened were the Yukinas. Around other's I'm beyond others, practically petrified at times.

Maybe it is time I start getting us to the world again…

I've been stuck in _**THAT PLACE**_ so long, this will probable help me get better at interacting with others.

"Ok." Just one step at a time "That would be nice…I guess."

Laughing out of joy, Kisa yanks my arm pulling me with him to the elevator.

"Yosh! You boys better prepare for my interrogation games~"

Shit!

I dug my own grave!

* * *

_**Journal entry 1:**_

_Fragile heart_

_You never really trust once your heart has been broken._

_Like dust, it scatters away to the ends of the earth_

_Never to be put back together._

* * *

**Now that you have experienced a lil how ritsu was in the past (no really) but if you guys don't get it, here's a freebee!**

**Ritsu once (OK MORE THAN ONCE) tried to kill himself after what happened.**

**it kept haunting him so he lost his mind at one point.**

**sad ne?**

**and what is THAT PLACE he is talking about?**

**wait til next time pleas!**

**REVIEW!**

**and next chapter (when i type it lol) i am going to put your names in it to thank you for reading this story and not sending mean reviews:D**

**so once again REVIEW PLEASE!**

**(~^3^)~**


	6. My angel (Fuji pov)

**Sorry for the wait**

**I have been reading too many Gravitation fanfics lately ^.^lll**

**Makes me want to put them in here as well y'know? **

**Lol enjoy~**

* * *

_**"****Hey kid. Why are you crying?"**_

_Looking up I saw him._

_The angel._

_"T-the kids d-don't want to-to be m-my friends!"_

_"The say I-I'm weird."_

_Lil me cried out._

_Smiling warmly, he puts his hand on my hair and combs through it._

_Emerald eyes shimmering brightly showing_

_Unconditional kindness for all._

_**"******__Chin up! _I'll be your friend!" _he grins making my chest flutter._

_Tears dried, a blush take their place._

_"R-really?"_

**_"Yep!"_**

_"Y-you promise!"_

_**"promise!"**_

_That was the bloom of my love._

_Love for my _

_Angel._

* * *

Poor Ritsu. Being questioned mercilessly by a midget haha!

The short raven I believe his name is Kisa or something is shooting him with so many question he looks dizzy.

Hehe, my poor angel.

Yes, I said MY angel.

I loved him from the day we met, more than anyone else, and I'm not gonna allow anyone else take him away. Especially not after what those sick bastards did to him!

Just remembering the condition he was in and the mental state pisses me off! I'll like to kick their asses til they die.

After that horrible tragedy, we tried/even begged Ritsu to tell us who they were so we can lock them up but he refused. It was too much for him. He also DEFINITELY refused to tell us the name of the child.

All he said was "I can't remember their faces and I don't want to remember."

I understand the desire to forget but no matter what or how many years pass Ritsu, it will still plague you. I just don't want you going off the edge again.

When he lost his mind back then…we were afraid we'll never get him back.

Well in a sense, we didn't get him back.

After the child he lost it. That bright soul died along with his baby. Wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep (and still can't), he wouldn't even talk to us. If he did talk, it'll was always insults and rambles. Heck he was thrown in a psychiatric ward at one point!

I think he still blames his parents for that though. They don't talk that much now and days. They tried contacting him but it's all for not.

Haah…I hate them that made my angel suffer. I want to kill them actually. Definitely the sick bastard that betrayed him!

What kind of father allows his pregnant lover to be raped and tormented?! I swear if I ever find out who he is and meet him, Imma kill him.

"So" the tall mean looking man beside and my brother glared "You're friends with Onodera?" something in those brown eyes screamed jealously no…envy.

Oh?

Could it be this man has a lil crush on MY Ritsu?

**NOT ON MY WATCH.**

"We've been friends since we were children." Kou grinned "And you?" his eyes narrowed "What is YOUR relationship to OUR Ritsu?"

Ha!

He caught the look in the guy's eyes as well! Thank god my brother is as protective as me over Ritsu.

No. he isn't in love with Ritsu but Kou is protective of his close friend.

"I am his boss at work and now neighbor." Smugness leaks from his voice making me and Kou twitch in annoyance.

Damn. Must make a mental note to visit Ritsu frequently.

"So you know how to cook Ricchan!" a squeal brings us to the short uke's conversing. That chibi looks 15 if you ask me.

Wait!

This gives me an idea!

"Well simple meals yeah…"

"What are you talking about Ritsu?" I pick him up in a hug "Your cooking is the best!"

"Really?" Kisa chirps.

"Yep! When we use to date, Ritsu always made amazing meals!"

Oh yeah, opsie, forgot to mention this didn't I?

Ritsu and I USE to go out but like I said, it's hard for him to forget the past so for his sake we decided to remain friends.

But still I love him and will not tolerate others to get him!

When he is ready, we'll start dating again!

"You guys were a couple!" chibi eyes widen like a child's. Seriously, how old is he?

Sighing frustratingly Ritsu answers, his cute blush coloring his face!

"Y-yes but that was in college."

NOW I see jealousy in the man behind me eyes.

Good. Now he knows not to make a move on my sweet angel.

"What happened?" we're getting close to the store now.

"S-stuff so we remained friends…" Ritsu tenses in my arms and relief automatically shows itself on the Tall raven's face.

Don't get your hopes up just yet bastard.

"Yeah but my heart still remains with you Ritsu and always will." I kiss his cheek making him more crimson.

"Awe~~~!" Kisa squeals making my cute uke redder pushing me away and running in the store before us.

Oh well. He's cute when he is shy.

"Well what happened to make you guys break up?" Kisa san goes serious shocking me for a moment. "You guys look like you get along great so why break it off?"

Wow.

Is he like a dating or couple expert?

"Eto…" I scratch my cheek.

**"Fuji"** my lil brother warns giving me the 'you know better than to bring up Ritsu's past!'

I shoot him the 'I know but that man by you googgling eyeing him! It for his own good!' look.

Seeming to get the message, Kou nods but looks away.

Going back to the shortie in front of me I say "We broke it off because of something that happened in Ritsu's past."

"But it's the past! Shouldn't he forget it and stayed with you?"

"Um…it's actually hard for him to forget what happened. How do I explain? Can I trust you never to bring it up to Ritsu?"

"Of course!"

Well…here goes nothing.

"Ritsu was…damn it's hard to say." Ah! Snapping my fingers I ask "Kisa san, do you know of the 'week case' story that happened 10 years ago?"

Gasping, he nods ferociously "The one about that poor 15 year old who was kept in one of those freezer ware houses where he was raped and tortured for a whole week!"

Solemnly I nod. Damn he knows a lot.

"Do you know who that boy was?" I question hoping he gets the hint.

And he does.

Realization dawns on him "Y-you mean—"

"Yes. When they wrote the article, Ritsu's parents forced them to keep Ritsu's name and picture out the paper."

"Oh my god!"

Yes oh your god.

My fists balled as I continued "That's not all. The reason it all happened was because Ritsu's first love." the kid listened intensely as I told the details. "His first love betrayed Ritsu and left when the guys got him. A whole week Ritsu went missing and when we found him…it was just…" I couldn't explain it. That scene crushed me that day.

"My god…Ricchan."

"And if that wasn't enough" my voice raised "Because of them Ritsu lost his—!"

"Oi!"

The creep yelled out, anger evident in his musky voice.

"Ma-masumune?"

The man was shaking with rage looking like he wanted to cry sorrow and…_guilt_?

Why would he be guilty?

Unless…unless…

My eyes popped as the thought struck me making my anger seethe deeply.

Oh—He's a dead man if I'm right.

"Fuji!" Ritsu's voice raged out behind me making me turn to face a pissed off looking him.

No. pissed is an understatement. He looked MAD and a hint of betrayal making me flush with shame.

"Ritsu—" he cut me off.

"I have to pay for these." Storming away, Kisa was about to go after him but I held him back.

"Don't." I hung my head "I shouldn't have said anything. Let him be for now and please, forget what I told you."

I'm sorry _my angel._

* * *

**Fuji!  
**

**Chin up Fuji because more angst will come to you_I MEAN others... *looks away*  
**

**yeah...0_0**

**what you guys think of Fuji hm?**

**and, almost forgot, NAMES!**

**Thank you~~~~ _Dokindokindesu, shuusetsu, pink frozen rose, Akira-chan303, archery, LockTheLastOpenDoor1, SuzukiChiyeko, forever-fangirling1997, hiyokocchi, Manga Ren, nightmare1818, xMoonAngel, JunjoSekai-ich, pinky5907, Yaoifangirl89, yuki , HiguraSHi18990, HiddenNightmare, Guest, dual. , sukikawai-chan, pichubonito,_**

**Thank you all for giving this story a chance and reviewing! Some of you i can see don't like the idea of Mpreg but hopefully mine won't be THAT bad lolXD I hope you all continue to this journey with our favorite couple and not try killing me in my sleep:D **

**Once again~**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**XD**


	7. delusions and decisions

**Here it is people! **

**Chapter 7!**

**XD**

**i'm trying to speed things up for ritsu can get pregnant but things are going slow right now (Damn internet:/) my internet has been down lately so i won't be able to post much til it's back up (Gonna use meh grandma's internet lol) So in my absence, i will type the next chapters for the stories and post them WHEN MY INTERNET COMES BACK ON! **

**Thank you all for your support and enjoy~**

* * *

_I never asked for this._

_For this child to be born _

_Then taken away from me._

_To be haunted by these hellish dreams_

_I never once asked for it!_

_But then why do I feel_

_A swell of emotions_

_In the face of this man that pierces me with his gaze._

_Sees who I really am and_

_Knows what I do not._

_Who are you?_

* * *

"Ritsu!" Fuji came after me when I finished paying for the groceries. How could he tell them that!? It's bad enough I get looked down on constantly. I don't need to be pitied as well!

"I'm sorry Ritsu but they need to know."

Che!

I didn't even think when my hand lashed across his face hard. Silence fell on us making best friends with my anger; daring anyone to say one more thing to me.

"They needed to know…" it was barely a whisper.

"NO." snapping, my tears began to well up. "Don't EVER talk about that or my baby with others again." I just want to forget, is that so hard or must everyone keep reminding me?

With a face of shame, Fuji nods pulling me in an embrace before others can see my tears. "I got it." Stroking my head I hid my face in his shoulder.

Wiping my tears away I look up from the safeness of Fuji's arm and I swear I can see Saga looking at me! Blinking the salty eye waters away, fear wraps itself around me when Saga didn't go away.

"Sa-Sa—g…"

My stomach went up my throat preventing me from speaking correctly. At once I began going berserk panic attack.

Why is he here?!

"Ritsu?" I hear my name but the voice doesn't register in my brain.

He can't be here. Please….let this be a dream or something.

"Ritsu you ok? You're pale, hey calm down!"

The fear build up so much I pulled away from the one holding me forgetting how to breathe as I stared into Saga's eyes.

Make it stop.

He's looking at me! Piercing me with those eyes!

"Ha….ah….ha…ha..a…" unable to look away I shrink back.

"Calm down Ritsu, breathe, in and out come on!"

Seeing my past, I scream "NO!" as Saga comes toward me, his arms reaching out to grab me and take me back to _them_.

No, no, NO! NO! NO! NO!

"NO! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

I push Saga back only to stare at my boss, Takano san.

What did I do? I pushed my own boss harshly….

Everyone eyes were glued to me calling me a lunatic.

Opening my mouth, I tried to apologize but my words won't come out. Dropping everything I run ignoring the stares and that one voice screaming "Onodera!"

Memories flashed before my eyes, nightmares making me scream, and then…I'm back in that place. Back in that 15 year old body that broke by the hands of the seniors.

They won't stop!

Finding myself home, I lock the door then slide down gasping for the air I have left.

_I can feel those hands._

_Grabbing me._

_Choking me._

_Ripping my legs apart as they_—oh god!

Throwing up, I crawl away from the men to the showers.

Gotta get away, gotta get the feeling off, hide from them, scrub their touches off...

_They came after me, picking me up, and hanging me by my wrists to the ceiling with chicken wire making them bleed as they punched me multiply times in the stomach. Sticking objects up my entrances until blood covered my entire body._

Throwing up once more I see it; blood.

_Spitting blood from getting beaten with cowbells. The walls cave in on me with the smell of blood and semen. Hanging there…slowly bleeding to death but death won't take me. Death laughs at me enjoying my abuse._

Make it stop!

Make it go away!

_"Onodera kun" _I hear my doctor's voice _"Your baby, I'm afraid, is a stillborn. It couldn't survive the amount of abuse inflicted on your stomach. I am very sorry. Perhaps this was for the best?" _

No.

_"Look at the silver lining."_

Don't say it!

_"You, yourself, are alive and will recover."_

**SHUT UP!**

In the shower, I turn it on full blast then curl inward in the corner letting the water hit me with all its might as I weep.

Don't you dare tell me to look at the good things.

There is no good thing!

I wanted to die!

I should have died along with my baby!

* * *

"Onodera!" I scream out but he doesn't stop.

The look on his face carved itself in my brain making me go hysteric on the inside.

Hurt

Anger

_**Fear**_

All written in that one expression.

Getting eyed by everyone, I contemplate whether to go after him or not.

_'Don't walk away this time!'_

My conscience screams.

Fuck.

Fujiwara was glaring at me with an all knowing look but I ignore his ass as I run after my brunet; not hearing Kisa calling after me.

Damn he runs fast!

Where did he even go?

He can be anywhere damn it!

Dawning on me, I remember his and Yukina's conversations in the café.

_"So what!" Ritsu hits his friend on the head "It's simple but I like it! And the walls are thick so no one will hear me in case I scr—" he stops realizing he's shouting and blushes crimson."_

_"Screaming in your sleep." They finish the sentence loud enough for MY ears to pick up. _

Of course! If he's freaking out, the most likely place he would go would be his apartment with the thick walls.

Man I am an idiot!

Let's see…it's an hour to the building from where I am...waiting for the train will take longer.

Picking up the pace, I go down the right direction of the apartment, my shoes pounding on the pavement.

Gotta make it in time!

Finally making it to the building I rush in and up the stair case because the elevator will take forever. Skipping two steps at a time I make it to the right floor and pound on Ritsu's door.

"Onodera?" nothing "Onodera!" na da "Oda!"

Shit shit shit!

Stepping back, I kick the door open "Oda?!"

I hear the showers on, steam fogging everything, and there's vomit on the floor leading to the bathroom. Gawking in shock I run to the baths.

"Oda?" cautiously I enter then gap at what I scene.

My Oda is curled up unconscious in the corner of the shower soaking wet. He didn't even take his clothes off. His bangs clung to his heart shaped face as pain contorts his beautiful features. Holding his stomach tightly, he mumbles stuff I can't hear.

Finding him, relief fills my whole being, as well as hatred. Hatred at myself for doing this to him, allowing this. God. I wish I was dead for doing this to him.

Going in the shower, ignoring my clothes getting wet, I pick Oda up bridal style.

Whimpering in his sleep, his grip on his stomach tightens "Saga—" his voice is a plea making me halt under the water.

**Ba-bump**

**Ba-bump**

**Ba-bump**

My heart goes, pounding intensely in my ears.

"Senpai…make them…stop"

**Ba-bump**

**Ba-bump**

**Ba-bump**

"…Oda." I cradling him closer to me, stroking his hair "Shh I am here now, no more bad dreams. I'm here and I will never leave you again."

This I **VOW**.

"Ritsu!" his friends came in wide eyed along with Shouta.

"Get away from him!" venom shot out of Fujiwara as he snatched my love away glaring icicles at me. I glared back walking out.

"Masamune…" Shouta followed.

"Shouta" I said back shaking.

I can't leave Oda again. He needs me and I...I need him.

I have to break it off with Kisa and get Ritsu back. I need to fix us.

"We need to talk Shouta."

* * *

**Ta-da!**

**He's gonna do it people! HE'S GONNA DO IT!**

**Tell me what you think please *Spins around like one of those Disney princesses* **

**(~^3^)~**


	8. YOU'RE NOT LEAVING!

**What is with all these damn authors NEVER FINISHING THEIR STORIES!**

**Ahem, pardon me but it DOES NOT take friggin SIX years to finish one story! Oh my god, stop leaving me hanging! I don't care if you give me a crappy ending as long as you finish it and put my over imaginative mind to rest!**

**There. Done with my rant (and I severely apologize if I sounded mean in any way!) and now let's get on with our story as well as our lives.**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_The talk._

_**"We need to talk Shouta."** _

We go in my apartment and lock the door. I have Shouta, no, Kisa go in the living room and sit down. A lump forms in my throat. This is gonna be harder than I thought but it has to be done.

Breathing and putting on my most stoic face, I head to the living room and sit by Kisa san. Man…talk about awkward silence.

Where do I start without letting him know Onodera and me were lovers back then?

I can't just say 'I'm breaking up with you so I can date Onodera.' That's a bit cruel.

Um… "So Kisa…"

"What's your relationship to Ricchan?" he stares at me intently making me sweat drop. Shit. What do I say.

"I dunno what you mean?" NO! You are supposed to sound confident.

His eyes peers through me "Knowing you, Masamune, you don't run after someone in need for anything. Not unless you are closely attached to them like your cat Sorata."

Uh…I am speechless.

"What were you guys in high school?" it goes on dammit "was Ricchan like a best friend or something?"

Damn. He's close enough.

Taking out a cigarette I light the sucker and take a nice drag of nicotine. Ahh the calming sensation I tell you and I need to be stay calm for what I am gonna share.

"Kisa…ah damn" I scratch my head in agitation "We did go to the same high school. He was a freshman and I was a senior." I look at the raven for a sign. Any sign of anger, accusation, anything.

What I found was different.

His expression was complete _dread_.

"We were…" damn you lump in my throat "we we're…" SPIT IT OUT YOU HALF ASS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!

"WE WERE LOVERS!"

His eyes widen looking like they are gonna pop like balloons out their sockets. At that moment everything just spilled from my mouth. All the truth I've kept in, the guilt, the brokenness of my heart for my sins. I can't ignore it anymore.

"He confessed to me and not being in my right mind I messed with him saying ok. I never liked him to begin with. In fact, I hated his guts with a passion but as we hung together each day, I came to realized I loved him…and still do."

Kisa remains quiet but I believe it is because of the shock of all this. Never the less I continue while holding my head in my hands.

"He was so innocent and always there for me when no one else was. I should have treasured him. I should have…but I didn't."

Touching my shoulder timidly, Kisa asks "What did you do…?"

Breathing slowly I looks up at a random vase on my coffee table.

"I had friends, they were the bad crowd. Always doing horrible shit, I never joined them when they did things but I never stopped them either. One day, the leader who claimed himself my best friend saw Onodera. He had me lure Onodera to the library after school knowing Onodera trusted me with everything. Him and his goons hid behind the shelves…when they got Onodera…I left and…"

Shaking now, I dig my nails in my head praying for the memories to go away and never come back.

"When they got him I left out the room and…never turned back. After that, he never came to school that week nor did the bastards I helped. Nor did they come after that week. Every one of them never came back in my life."

"Except Ricchan." Blood shot eyes shot up meeting watery brown ones. With quivery lips Kisa asks "Does Ricchan know? Is that why he ran away?" hope feels his eyes and increases when I answer honestly.

"No he doesn't."

Smiling crookedly, Kisa kisses me then stands and stretches.

"Ok then! There's no problems." What the fuck?! "As long as he doesn't remember nothing bad can happen."

"What!" I shoot up from my stupor "You don't understand Kisa! Onodera's back, he needs me, I need him…I…I love him! I'm sorry if this hurts you but—"

"NO!" his outburst is so powerful I actually flinch.

"Forget about him!" kisa yells "You're with me now, just let Ricchan be. Face it Masamune, you hurt him, his ten years are proof of that. Let him be and both of you can forget about each other. Ok? OK!"

Once again "WHAT THE FUCK?! NO. KISA, THIS IS OVER; I CAN'T RUN FROM IT NO MORE. NOW LEAVE GOODBYE."

Head hung low, shoulders shaking, whether it's from sadness or anger I have yet to find out. That is…until his body stops trembling and he speaks clearly soft but menacingly.

**"Break up with me and I'll tell him."**

"What?"

He looks away from me but speaks louder "BREAK UP WITH ME AND I SWEAR TO GOD HIMSELF I WILL TELL RICCHAN WHO YOU REALLY ARE. I PROMISE YOU THAT MA-SA-MU-NE."

Ok, for the THIRD time today…WHAT THE FUCK!

* * *

**OHHHHH~~~~**

**KISA GONE POSSESSIVE WITH THREATS O.o **

**any who~ **

**i know this is small and really even i'm ashamed of myself but this week has been not so good so i don't really feel like posting but i have to fight on because i REFUSE to leave my stories unfinished like other authors WHO LEFT THEIR STORIES FOR SIX AND MAYBE EIGHT YEARS AND STILL DON'T FINISH IT! **

**The ONLY time its acceptable is when/or if the author is dead/in a coma/SEVERELY DEPRESSED/lost their stories from the laptop and flash drive and can't remember the plot/got mauled by friggin psychotic cat with rabies/OR simply their technology burned down in a huge catastrophe fire never to be returned to them!**

**that i WILL accept.**

**there.**

**nekocandy-out! **


	9. babysitting

**Hey guys. **

**Did you miss me?**

**Well i'm back (for now) lately i've been going through some rough times and my dog died on monday so yeah, it just added to my depression. but i have cheered up enough (thanks to my lovely cousin and family) to start writing again. I'm getting back on track of my life (even though i feel like screaming at times still) so here's the next chapter for fragile heart.**

**Enjoy please~**

* * *

_An endless nightmare_

_I can't seem to wake from._

_My once innocent dreams_

_Succumbed to emptiness._

_A once glowing vision of a future,_

_Drowned in a sea of a black abys._

_How can something that bloomed so enchantingly_

_Whither into something foul?_

_So full of fear._

_How long will these sleep terrors haunt me_

_Until they turn back into beautiful dreams?_

_Will the screams ever end?_

* * *

Screaming myself awake once again tonight.

Man, I'm starting to rethink my 'no medicine' policy. I can't sleep without those dreams!

I feel so bad for Fuji though. Him having to deal with me and my warped self, I'm surprised he didn't ditch me yet. Unless he already left while I was in my terror state.

Urg…you know what?

Forget it, I can't sleep so might as well get up and do something.

Doing just that, I clean my apartment up and make myself some tea.

Hmmm maybe I should call my doctor later?

Huh?

On my couch, Fuji is sleeping. Huh, guess he didn't ditch me but he does look tired. Sorry Fuji.

It still amazes me how he and Kou always put up with me. I don't like being a burden to them but I am happy I have friends I can trust in this world of black.

Sighing I jump ten feet (in my mind) in the sir when my door bell rings.

Who could be knocking at this hour? Unless I WAS screaming too loud…oh man.

Please PLEASE don't let it be the land lady. I just moved in and it took forever to find a place like this in the first place.

Gulping and with a quickening pulse, I go to answer the door.

"MASAMUNE!" some older women yell as soon as I open the door. She's carrying a baby and the bags under her eyes say she's not happy at all. Wait did she say Masamune?

"huh?" that's my boss.

A quick vision of what happened earlier today sends me queasy but I recover myself quickly before I fall over.

"Eh?" she takes a good look at me knitting her brows together. "Who're you?" hostility radiates in full blast making me flinch. "Where's Masamune?"

"His room is next door. You have the wrong apartment miss…"

"Oh" she down right shrugged my question off! God women like that pisses me off. I feel bad for her child when she grows up. I can tell the woman won't be a cheery mother.

I watch as she pound the poor door til it almost breaks off its hinges. Yikes.

"What the hell?!" my boss voice booms then quieted when he sees the elder women. "What the hell do you want old hag?" glaring his infamous glare.

"Is that any way to speak to your mother boy?" her glare matches his…MOTHER?!

"What mother? All I see is a bitter old lady standing here pounding on my door like the manic she is." Wow such hatred towards a woman who gave birth to you. Does he even know how much labor hurts?

Geh.

Stop stop stop stop stop stop

Stop thinking about things before you go into another panic attack.

"Oi!"

"Huh?" both Takanos are glaring at me. Ops. I didn't mean to watch them. Cheeks flushing I bow low "Sorry didn't mean to listen" quickly I go into the safety of my apartment.

Oh my god that is embarrassing.

But they seem to really hate each other. Watching them actually makes me want to visit my mother now. Gah! No. stop thinking stupid brain and get ready for work.

* * *

Uwaah…I'm so tired.

I want to fall over and die right now but if I do I'll have another nightmare so maybe it's best to stay awake for now and die later? Haha death…haven't thought about that in a while and it is better I don't. I don't want to get sent to another psychiatric ward now do I?

Slowly I am bringing my life together and who knows; maybe one day those memories will fade away. I know its wishful thinking but it's all the hope I have to keep me going.

After 'THAT' happened, I lost myself and went as far as going mentally insane at one point. But that's all in the past now.

Now I have something to keep me stable and busy in life.

This is my plan.

Make a name for myself in my work place and work my way up to the top without the help of my parents. With that I am satisfied. As long as I keep my actions in check that is…

"Good morning Onodera san and how are we today? Tired I see." Mino san comes in smiling as usual. Sitting down his smiles grows as he stares from across me. Mino really freaks me out.

It's like he's mocking me about knowledge we share.

Please don't stare at me.

"G-good morning…mino san." And the creep smile continues to grow. Looking away now.

"Ricchan~" oh no!

***GLOMP***

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Being as calm as I can, I remove this human leech from my body. Why must you always hug? You already know what I went through…OH GOD!

How much does he know and will he open his big mouth to anyone? What do I do if he does? Thinking about all those pitiful looks and judgmental remarks makes my eyes burn.

"Good morning Ricchan!" Kisa childishly giggles as he sits at his own desk. "Hey did you see Masamune's cute niece!" gossiping already? Doesn't he EVER get tired of blabbering other's business? "Well did you Ricchan? Did you? Did you? Did you?"

Haah…might as well bite.

"Niece?"

"Yes! She's so cute and small!" he squeals holding his face "Newborns are so adorable!"

!

"Newborn?" the word viciously sinks its teeth in my heart. My hands immediately go to my stomach. "Newborn as in baby?" I ask managing to make my voice not break and blocking out the memories.

"Yes a baby! She's only a week old. Masamune is taking care of her for his sister."

"NO. She was forced on me by my mother." The man of talk strides in holding (like Kisa said) a crying b-b-baby. She is small and cute and…precious. Oh…would my son have been as cute as her if alive? She looks like Takano san. Who would have my son looked like?

Me or his father?

"Ricchan?" a voice calls me "You ok? Does your stomach hurt? Ricchan?"

"Oi!"

"HUH?!" blinking my thoughts away I look away "I'm fine just blacked out for a moment" out the corner of my eye Mino smirks. It's so creepy and menacing I look back at the couple. "S-so what is her name?"

"Hime."

Hime…princess. Such a cute name.

"Awe, that's cute" I say aloud not caring about others surprised looks for once. It's true. A cute name for a cute child, "Hime."

The cute angel calms down and looks at me with bright hazel eyes. Then she begins smiling! A warmness fills my heart and I just want to hold her in my arms and lull her to sleep.

No! Get a grip Ritsu Onodera!

But she's sooooooooooooooo cute….

Stop it! She's not your child!

"Onodera." My boss get close to me "Here" he hands me Hime along with her diaper bag. "Since you're still a noob and don't a have a permanent author, your job today is to take care of Hime. Got it?"

Stunned but happy in a way I say "OK!" a bit too happy. Opsie…

* * *

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe! Hime is just so cute! All day she was calm and giggly. She loved it when I made faces and rocked her back and forth. It was problematic when those sapphire girls thought she was my child though.

I wish she was.

"You're good at handling brats" Takano san compliments driving to our apartments. He offered to drive me home. I would have said no way in hell but I wanted more time with lil Hime here. I don't want to let her go so soon.

"Yeah Ricchan!" Kisa joins. He came too so me and Hime are in the back which is all good to me. I get to be by the sweet angel. "What's your secret?"

Bu-bump!

"S-secret?" do they know about me being a neutral and my s- would have been son?

"Yeah you know, secret on keeping babies calm and quiet." Oh!

Oh thank god!

"H-haha there's no secret really." I look down "when I was younger my mother taught me how to take care of babies. From feeding them to lulling them to sleep." A smile forms itself.

When I was pregnant, mother immediately cried out of pure joy. Me and her would spend those days (as short as they were) picturing the future of my son and already trying to pick a name for him. She forced me to read every pregnant teen booklet they were and showed me how to handle babies.

She even shared stories about how grandma would deal with her and my aunts. Those were still sweet days. Father was even happy for me. They didn't care I was pregnant or gay. Since I'm a neutral, it didn't matter if I got with a man or women. They were happy just knowing I was happy and with my baby.

Father would pat my head and say stuff like _"Wonder what my grandchild would be like. You think he'll be big and strong like your old man rit?" _and we both laugh at the thought.

But now…after my attack and what the doctor said we all changed.

"Really? How old?" urg…I hate you Kisa.

"15"

"That young! But why?"

Shrugging I don't lie but I don't say the truth either "She thought it might come in handy for me one day."

"Oh."

From the review mirror, takano san stares again at me. why do you always stare?! It's driving me insane! Also because of yesterday with my hallucinations…STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE EYES!

Ignoring those eyes I am thankful when we get to the building. As much as I don't want to give Hime back I have to. I almost snatch her back when she starts wailing to come back to me.

Opening my door, Takano stops me.

"Onodera" ahaaaah.

"Yes?" I just want to cry myself to sleep man. Is that too much to ask?

Striding up at me, I'm caught off guard as he snakes his soft fingers through my brown locks. These hands…they remind me of…of…

_**"Thank you."**_ His eyes go overwhelmingly soft and…_caring_?

Uh…ah….

"Night" he leaves, leaving me standing stupefied and confused.

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

W-what is w-wrong with m-me?

Clutches my chest tightly at the pain that flooded suddenly, I shakily go in my home feeling water works already falling from my eyes.

Why does being with him hurt so much?

* * *

Next day at work:

"Ricchan! Leave this Saturday open got it! It's your belated late welcome celebration!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—?!"

* * *

**Anyways, i was originally gonna speed things up and have ritsu get banged in this chapter but i decided against it for now. i want to get back in my writing before i get to him getting knocked up.**

**please review and if you want throw some suggestions in if you wish.**

**thanks.**


	10. what happened between us

**So…ah heck, I ain't gonna lie to you. This chapter is mostly angst. Why? Because I just really need to let some sorrow out. Secondly this is just a filler:p**

**And F.Y.I: this is in narrator pov. **

**And also thank you all so much for your encouraging reviews and comments. They cheered me up and pushed me to write more. Thank you, really. YOU ALL GET HUGS AND PANDAS AND COOKIES AND YAOI MANGAS…*SMIRK***

**Disclaimer~ I DO NOT OWN SIH OR ELLEN HOPKINS'S LOVELY POEM FROM HER BOOK '**_**TILT**_**'. DON'T JUDGE ME, SHE IS AWESOME AND I BOW TO HER FOR HER WONDERFUL WORKS! IF I HAD ANYONE TO ACTUALLY LOOK UP TO IT WOULD BE HER:3  
**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_Death waits impatiently outside my door._

_We are betrothed and he wants to set a date._

_It will be a marriage of shadow and light,_

_Matrimony in sepia._

_Death waltzes on my lawn_

_A delicate dance for two._

_But I'm not sure of the steps,_

_And I don't want to look like a fool._

_So I watch from behind the glass._

_Death calls to me in breathless whispers._

_Coaxing. Coaxing. _

_His voice is soothing. And when he hums,_

_His song is a lullaby._

_I close my eyes and listen._

* * *

The breeze was calm. Blowing the trees gently to their side, while carrying some leaves on their journey throughout the world. A lone leaf blown by the soft wind, landed on a windowsill of a grand house. The house was not flashy or ridiculously fancy. No. The house was big yes but only for the occupants inside. It was homey and smelled of honey and radiated love and acceptance inside as well as out.

Well…it did anyways until grief fell hard upon that proud home and the family inside.

A lone silhouette looked up from the book he was earlier engulfed in. His eyes were puffy and dulled. Bags hung darkly under those jaded eyes from the days with no sleep. He was so tired but the dreams would not let him rest. And his stomach screamed for food, anything to give it nutrients, but he just ignored the pains.

What was the use of living when everything was taken from him?

All his dreams were dead.

Gone.

That hope for a future after the events…splattered like a fly.

He was already so tired; exhausted inwardly and outwardly.

Holding his stomach yet again, the 15 year old closed his eyes thinking back to the child he lost only a month ago. But the pain was still fresh and eating away at his heart.

'_Why must god be so cruel'_ pallid hands clutched the stomach, digging nails in roughly. _'There is no god and if he is around then I hate him for taking my son. You hear me mister all mighty? You don't exist to me!'_

His ears perked up, his sharp sense of hearing picked up on voices outside his door of confinement. Who were those voices? Tuning in on the commotion, he closed his eyes to concentrate more at what was being said and who was saying them.

"He needs help!" his mother sighed. Her heart broke seeing her son torturing himself every day since that day. "It is all HIS fault my baby is losing it!" her anger burned as deep as the flames of hell for her son. Well who could blame her? Her son was in his room on the borderline of insanity. Mourning a son, her grandson, that never got the chance to open his eyes and see the promise of a wonderful future.

"Please…can you help him there?" his father pleaded. Mr. Onodera, a proud man, now broken and desperate. Why did his son have to suffer? All Ritsu did in life was be sweet and kind to everyone around him. The sadness was too great; it was practically suffocating Mr. Onodera. Being unable to take it anymore, he went into action.

His son needed help from people who knew how to cope with depression. So he and his wife called an institution to take him in and help him get back on the track of life. But what they did not even consider to think, was that what their son maybe needed the most was his family. Not doctors.

"We will do all we can Mr. and Mrs. Onodera sama." Two men dressed him white scrubs bowed and made their way to their now patient's room to haul him off. But they didn't know he heard and guessed everything.

_'They're sending me away?' _

The brunet's heart sank lower. First his lover betrays him and leaves him. Then his son is taken away. Now his own parents are sending him off to some loony bin.

Why?

Why did everything fall apart?

"Onodera san?" he didn't answer the men when they came in. Only kept his eyes glued to the cover of his book.

"Onodera san?" one of them tried to grab his arm, only pulling a trigger inside the kid's head.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Ritsu kicked the guy. He attempted to get up and run but the men were bigger and stronger. A lot stronger. "GET OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

They began dragging him out. When he saw his mother and father trying to smile at him reassuringly, hoping to make him feel at ease with the situation, something detonated inside him. Something white and hot and full of rage.

"So you guys giving me up?" his once soft voice was scarily dark "Is this it? Can't handle me so just send me away." He hid his face away from them with his bangs. Not allowing them to see the anger and brokenness swirling inside.

"Ritsu, that's not it." The tried to hug him. Tried.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" jerking back he glared, tears rushing down "Don't touch me! I'll go. I'll go and I hope you enjoy home without a psychotic freak like me! Goodbye. I won't come back…ever."

Snatching his arms out the men grips, Onodera Ritsu walked out leaving his parents even more regretful and heartbroken than before. But it was for their son's chance at getting better. They did hope he will forgive them one day and come back.

But...true to his word Ritsu hasn't visited home since then.

**Until ten years later.**

It was midnight and Mr. and Mrs. Onodera woke up to knocking at their front door. It was pretty rude to wake someone up at such an unruly hour and they were gonna send whoever it was away. They were shock however when they laid eyes on a pale and sickly looking 25 year old brunet.

"Mother…father…" he weakly said before passing out on their doorstep.

"Ritsu!" they rushed down to lift him. Being ridiculously small and thin as he is, Mr. Onodera lifted him with ease and carried him inside. His hands brushed his stomach softly where he felt something.

A bump.

"What?" his eyes widened.

"What is it?" now Mrs. Onodera was beginning to fear. What is wrong with her son? Thoughts after thoughts sprang into her mind. Each made her want to bawl her old eyes out.

Seeing his wife's distress, he lifted his son's shirt up a bit revealing a small baby bump.

Having the same reaction as her husband, she sat by her son cradling his head on her lap. "Ritsu…" she brushed a few stray hairs away from his face and kissed his forehead. Tears rimmed her aged eyes. Placing a hand on his belly, she whispered.

"Welcome home…you two."

**Oh my god! He's pregnant already?!**

**How?!**

**Read and find out next time!**

**Til then…REVIEW!**

**Or else i will hold this story hostage 0.e**


	11. how it happened

**YEAH! IT IS OFFICIAL!**

**Yesterday at exactly 3:24 I have been given my freedom back! NO MORE BEING GROUNDED! Which mean I have my phone and laptop back:3 **

**Now I can type my heart out for you guys even more now (MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and I'm starting to watch anime again. **

_Italics for the past_

Normal for present.

_Italics and lines for opening and song (you'll find out what I mean later on)~_

**Enjoy~**

* * *

"_Ritsu, honey, how many months are you along now?"_

"…_the doctor said 22 weeks now."_

"_Good god. What happened, I mean, who…"_

"_Knocked me up."_

"…_sigh yeah."_

"_Will you tell us Ritsu?"_

"…"

* * *

How did this happen?

Well…it was all **HIS** fault those friggin 5 month ago. Why in the hell did I have to go to that stupid welcoming party? I just wanted to stay home and sleep but NOOOOOOOOO! HE and Kisa would not let me.

They INSISTED I go! (More like HE ordered me to go).

I know they just wanted an excuse to go drinking but what was I supposed to do?

It was mandatory that I go (or else I were fired.)

Damn him. Abusing his power like that but he went TOO far!

_Stepping out in to the cool spring air, I could not help but sigh for who knows how many times today. My boss, I fumed inside, ordered me to accompany them to that stupid drinking celebration. _

_I didn't want to but thinking about it I did get kind of guilty. _

_They put the effort to welcome me after all. Even if it's for their own benefit. It's still nice to be welcomed some places._

_But the drinking…I suck at liquor._

_Any kind, doesn't matter, I can never hold my liquor. _

_Knowing that and thanks to Fuji looking after me when drunk all those years ago, I best stay away from the drinks._

_"Hey," grrr…knowing very well that voice that does nothing but pisses me off, I sped up but that damn man caught up anyways…as always. _

_"What do you want?"_

_"Snappy as always I see" takano san rolls his eyes at me "I thought we can walk to the place together." Why does he always want to be by me knowing I hate his guts! It's times like these I wish Kisa san was here. When Kisa san's here, he always keeps Takano san in check._

_"Why?" _

_Looking at me like I am an idiot he states "Because we're going to the same place" matter-of-factly. Damn. I AM an idiot._

_Blushing I glare daggers. Prick._

_Being too engrossed with my mentally murder spree I didn't notice someone running to catch up to us. It wasn't until a hand pulled me away from my boss that I did notice._

_"Fuji?!" he was gasping, holding my arm. "Why are you here? Don't you have work right now?" _

_Taking as much needed breathe, he smiles, and answers. "I got the day off today and I heard about your welcoming celebration."_

_"Oh."_

_"May I join?" those red brown eyes pleaded me. Not that he had to because I was mentally cheering and bowing to him. I did not want to waste another second alone with the raven behind me. _

_"Hell no" said raven answered "employees only." That glare made me flinch but Fuji didn't flinch. He glared right back._

_"I believe it is Ritsu's choice. It is HIS welcoming party am I correct?" Fuji has a point "He can bring his friends along if he wants." _

_Glaring bloody murder, takano knows he's right and summits but in my gut I feel that his surrender is temporary. _

_Outside the bar a chill came over me. Don't know why but I got the sensation of foreboding throughout my body. Like something was gonna happen tonight and someone was gonna end up hurt._

_Panicking slightly I jump when a hand grabs mine softly._

_"Don't be so nervous" Takano san's voice whispers "I'm right behind you." _

_Ba-bump!_

_Why…._

_I hate him so much._

_He's a true bastard but when he acts like this…kind and all…my heart quickens. Why? _

_"Get away from him" Fuji growls making me realize he was still with us. How can I forget he was here?! I always remember when Fuji's near._

_Letting go of my hand takano goes back to the prick that he is._

_"Now come before they all think you raped me or something."_

_Damn…you._

_Inside was crowded and the music was too loud._

_REALLY crowded making me wants to cower in a corner right away and cry. I didn't don't worry but I still wanted to leave as soon as possible. _

_Just say hello and laugh at some jokes then leave. _

_And that's what I did except for the last part._

_Paying my respects to everyone at the bar, they were already half way drunk and wobbling. The only sobered ones aside from me, Fuji, and Takano san was Hatori and Ashino (Isaka's assistant.) Poor Ashino. _

_He had to constantly keep Isaka in check, like a mother with a very misbehaving son._

_Son…_

_Stop! Stop thinking now!_

_"Hey—hic—Riiiic—hic—chan~~ hic!" Kisa san screamed over the music "W-want—hic—a dr—hic hic—drink?" _

_God knows I should have said no but the yearning to not think about my grief quickly blinded me. So I said "Yes please!" _

_It was only supposed to be ONE drink but the memories would not relent! So it turned into drink after drink after drink._

_Until next thing I know I was at a booth alone with my boss. Talking (more like ranting) about how much an ass he is and laughing at stupid things that wasn't funny at all. What I was laughing at please don't ask me. _

_Even I have no idea what I was laughing at._

_I lost sight of Fuji and the others so what they were doing I have no clue. I still wonder if Fuji got drunk or something._

_But with all the liquor in my body I could really care less about where they were. _

_I was beginning to get sleepy and tried talking but my mouth went numb all of the sudden. My words came out like "imtiredwanttogohomeandsleepplease"._

_Guess I should have eaten something before my drinking spree._

_I wobbled getting up when the loud music changed to a soft one. It was catchy and calming but also sounded sad. _

_Interested, I closed my eyes and listen._

_You're just a small bump unborn, in four months you're brought to life,  
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes,  
I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can, but for now you're scan of my unmade plans,  
A small bump in four months, you're brought to life_

_My breath hitched and the memories slowly started coming back in my drunken state._

_I'll whisper quietly, and give you nothing but truth,  
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you._

_Those months I spent singing to my son while still in me. How my faith was still strong as I sung to him and told him about a bright future I wanted for him as soon as I set myself straight. _

_The promise of protecting him from harm and not ending up like me._

_You are my one and only.  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
Oh, you are my one and only.  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
And you'll be alright._

_Those nights I spent rubbing soothing circles on my belly imagining my baby already in my arms. Trying to chase his nightmares away if he even had them at all._

_You're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin.  
With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin.  
Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice,  
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide  
A small bump, in four months you'll open your eyes._

_I wanted so badly to know what he'll look like. What color eyes he would have. What color hair; mine or his daddy's. He was still so small in me making me fear of breaking him._

_And I'll hold you tightly, and give you nothing but truth,  
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you_

_You are my one and only._  
_You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight._  
_Oh, you are my one and only._  
_You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight._  
_And you'll be alright._

_I cried when I found out he was a boy. It made me happy._

_You can lie with me,  
With your tiny feet  
When you're half asleep,  
I'll leave you be.  
Right in front of me  
For a couple weeks  
So I can keep you safe._

_'Cause you are my one and only._  
_You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight._  
_You are my one and only._  
_You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight._  
_And you'll be alright._

_I dreamt of the future for him. With him. Watching him grow from a baby to a toddler. Dreaming about how he'll come to my room wanting to sleep with me because he had a nightmare. Him calling me mama or mother. _

_His first day of school. _

_High school._

_College._

_Such a promising future he would have. A future I would give him._

_Then…_

_You were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life.  
Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why._

_Almost halfway through my pregnancy…I went into labor._

_I gave birth to a beautiful son but…._

_But he was already dead._

_And at the same time…I died as well._

_"Onodera?" Takano's voice rings in my ear but I'm not even me anymore._

_Why? _

_Why did they have to play this song?_

_"Onodera?" the music faded back to loud but the lyrics are still playing in my head._

_Is god mocking me?! You think this is funny you geezer! To haunt me with the memories!_

_"Is it my fault?" I ask suddenly clutching my head "Is it because I didn't hang on enough!" _

_Arms grab mine forcing me to focus on their owner. _

_"What are you talking about Onodera?" Takano san's expression is so much like Saga senpai's. Which is which I wonder some times? It scares the hell out of me but it also makes my heart want him back with me. _

_Clinging to him from all my emotions bottling up I scream "IS IT MY PUNISHMENT TO SUFFER BECAUSE I DIDN'T HANG ON LONG ENOUGH?! DOES GOD THINK THIS IS FUNNY!"_

_Wide eye and pretty sure scared of me my boss unclenches my hands from his shirt. "Ritsu" *THUMP* "come on, let's get you home."_

_He pulls me out the bar, hails a taxi, and we drive off to our home._

_In front of our apartments I wobbled to my door searching for my keys when Takano opens his and drags me in. _

_"Wha'ya doin? Let me go." I tried going back but he wouldn't let me go. He pulled me into an embrace and stroked my head. The gesture scares me "Let go!" I fight him only to fall face first on the floor. _

_"Geez calm down." He breaths trying to help me up but I smack his hand away. He looks so much like my Saga senpai. I don't want to get hurt again. _

_"DON'T TOUCH ME!" tears trickle down my face onto my fisted hands. Hate and longing overcomes me like a battle I have no control over. I want it to end! "Why?" I ask again "Why…I hate you senpai…I hate you so much. But the why?" anger takes over "WHY DOES MY HEART STILL YEARN FOR YOU?!" I scream in my hands._

_A crying mess, that's me, snot and everything._

_I was crying so much I didn't stop when strong hands grabbed man and forced me down on my back. Takano looked down at me with some sort of crashing emotions in his eyes. Being too wasted I couldn't decipher them._

_"Onodera" my sobs died down "You aren't the only one…" wha— "I…I love you…" lips crashed mine going down to my collar. Eyes popping out I struggle to get him off._

_"W-what are you doing?! Get off get off!" the hold tightens "St—op!" I shut my eyes and yell "Aren't you going out with Kisa san?!" That stops it._

_For now._

_Looking sternly at me, takano says "Listen Onodera, I don't love Shouta. The one I'm in love with is you." Next he whispers "Please…forget the past…and love me back."_

_Everything after that gets shrouded in darkness._

_When I gain consciousness I wake up in an apartment unfamiliar._

_In a bed I do not recognize._

_In the arms of a man I think my enemy._

_What the hell happened?!_

_Wait…splats of memories…_

_There was struggling_

_Talking_

_Kissing…biting…sucking_

_Moans_

_I remember something hard and hot going in me, stabbing inside me._

_There was shuddering signaling the end of it._

_Then…then…_

_"I love you…Ritsu."_

"…"

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHH!_

_What the hell is wrong with me?! no, No, NO! _

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_Being as calm as possible (on the outside) I wriggle my way out those arms (feeling strangely cold all of the sudden) I quickly get my clothes, dress, and get the fuck out the place and into my own._

_Once in my sanctuary I kneel on the ground and pound my fist chanting 'It was a dream! It was a dream! It was a dream! It was a dream! I'M GONNA CONVINCE MYSELF IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" _

_This is just not happening to me!_

* * *

**Ok so here it is. Now some of you already guessed what happened while others had some not close but VERY good guesses. **

**But let me get one thing clear got it.**

**TAKANO DID NOT (I REPEAT) DID NOT RAPE RITSU. **

**You'll find out what i mean in the next chapter;)**

**But oh~ am i gonna put ritsu through a ride of his life muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha:D **

**so review and i will put ALL your names in the next chapter lol.**

**also if you have some suggestions/ideas you would like me to put in a chapter or something, feel free to tell me. don't be shy now;p **

**Til next time (which MIGHT be tomorrow...who knows)**

**:3**


	12. hope

**Ok next chapter!**

**Man I really should stop spoiling you guys and continue my other stories:/ **

**Haha I will right after this. Actually speaking of my stories, for those of you who already read MY OWN PATH and knows how it ends and is expecting me to make a sequel…don't kill me!**

**For MY OWN PATH, I will be rewriting the last chapter and ending it. You see, for the second story…I lost it-_- and honestly I can't really get back into writing it so imma just end the first story and move on with my other ones. Again, please don't kill me. **

**Thanks and…OH! Let me put your names before I go emo and you all kill me:3**

**zzzShawol; thank you and sorry I never reply to yours or anyone's reviews (stuff always comes up and I forget like a dumbass lol) **

**momo1222; I will update don't worry!**

**HiguraSHi18990; wow you have such wonderful ideasXD but since I love me some drama I'm afraid I'm will put Ritsu through some crazy rides (sadistic nature:)**

**Hiyokocchi; keheheheh glad you like the fact Takano knocked Ritsu up (for the second time in their lives) (~^3^)~ **

**Nightmare1818; :3 thanks for reading and reviewing and here's a panda! **

**Pinky5907; 0_0 *evil smirk* **

**Svaneaalka; I know right when writing this chapter I quickly thought of the manga during it lolXD **

**Dual. ; I will (as you can see) hahahahahaha!**

**Forever-fangirling1997; yes Takano is the daddy:3 but will we let him find out? Now THAT is the question *evil smile* **

**Toothy; yes the doc was wrong because my mind is just plain twisted MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH A TAKE THAT AND SHOVE IT DOCTORS! **

**Akira-chan303; hahaha I'm glad you review more than once. There so fun to read and lifts my spirits:) secondly I think others should thank you for reviewing or else this story would have been held hostage no lie lol**

**So now that this is done, ON TO THE TAKANO'S CHAPTER!**

**So read, enjoy, and review:D**

**And remember, same as last chapter, **

_Italics-past_

_Italics and line-opening _

Normal-present (for this chapter) yeah, it's gonna get confusing just so you know:/

* * *

_Neutrals_

_Never really thought I'll be attracted to one_

_Until I met_

_Him_

_An intersexual that stole my heart_

_With no effort _

_At all_

_I remember the first time_

_I took_

_Him_

* * *

_"Nn…senpai wait." My lil koi pushed me away when I tried undoing the buttons on his shirt. He was blushing so much I could cum by just looking at him._

_"What is it" did I scare him? Am I going too fast?_

_What the hell why do I even care? I hate him remember? It's only his body I want not him. _

_"Uh..um…" hurry up before I just leave your ass "I d-don't think w-we should do this!" HAH?! _

_"Why?" I pushed him on my bed and straddled him "You've been stalking me for how long then confess and we've been going out for weeks now. Don't you think it's time we move to the second level." _

_"W-wait! No d-don't!" he panicked trying to get me off but I wouldn't relent and continued undoing his shirt. When I finally got it undone and off my jaw dropped to the floor. "I-I can e-explain…" he squeaked trying to hide his (or should I say her) chest. _

_"Y-you're a girl?!" I mean he looks in every way I girl but he wears the guy uniforms! And it didn't look as if he had boobs! I do gotta admit though…they are some nice ones._

_Not big but not ridiculously small either. They're big enough to play with (don't judge me!) and the right size to hid them with clothes. Huh. Smart. _

_"Well…yes and no…"_

_"What does that mean?" _

_Holding the blanket closer to her breast, my under classmate enlightens me. "I'm…I'm a…" he swallows the word in the spits it out "I'M AN INTERSEXUAL!" there, like ripping off a band aid. _

_Sighing, he looks down; face cover with a deep crimson blush of shame. "I was born a neutral meaning I'm both genders."_

_Huh. "So you have both parts of male and female." Head sinking lower, he nods._

_Normally I'm pretty sure I would have been grossed out but for some reason I'm not. Besides Oda having girl parts suits him better and makes it easier for me to penetrate him._

_Ok, I made up my mind. _

_"I-I'll just go…" snapping back I push him back down "S-senpai?!"_

_"Hm?"_

_"W-what are you doing? You're not d-disgusted?" _

_"No" I said kissing him._

* * *

Oh how I was an ass back then. Only wanting him for his body…god I'm ashamed of myself.

Til this day, nothing changed huh?

_We went into the bar and boy did Onodera look ready to scram and run back home. Shockingly he didn't and went to the gang with his head held high._

_"Hey—hic—Riiiic—hic—chan~~ hic!" Kisa san screamed over the music "W-want—hic—a dr—hic hic—drink?" _

_Seeing as how wasted Kisa was already I should have prevented Onodera from drinking but before I can have a say in it…_

_"Yes please!" he took it eagerly and chugged the damn thing. _

_It was one after another after another. I had to drag him to a saluted booth before he picked a fight with anyone. Who knew my Oda was an obnoxious drunk._

_He went on and on about what an ass I was then laughed at things I don't even know what. _

_If that wasn't bad enough, he tried getting up saying something I could understand. His words were mixed together like this "imtiredwanttogohomeandsleepplease". _

_I got up with him til he stopped out of nowhere.  
Some song came on about a guy and his wife having a baby. He sang on about how his baby would be when born, what it'll look like but in the end, fate took the child away._

_It was sad but I freaked when Onodera's mood became dark._

_"Onodera?" I called but he wasn't listening._

_He looked really pissed "Onodera" I tried again when the music faded and a loud song came on._

_"Is it my fault?" he asked suddenly clutching his head "Is it because I didn't hang on enough!" _

_What is he talking about?!_

_Clinging to me he screamed "IS IT MY PUNISHMENT TO SUFFER BECAUSE I DIDN'T HANG ON LONG ENOUGH?! DOES GOD THINK THIS IS FUNNY!"_

_So much anger and brokenness…you can see it in his eyes he's not even looking at me anymore._

_Wide eyed and scared out of my wits, I unclench his hands from my shirt. "Ritsu" softly I say "come on, lets get you home." _

_I pull him out the bar, hails a taxi, and we drive off to our home._

_He tries finding his keys and going in but I can't leave me him that. So I grab him and pull him inside my apartment._

_"Wha'ya doin? Let me go." he tries going back but I wouldn't let him go. I pulled him into an embrace and stroked his head lovely. The gesture scares him obviously "Let go!" fighting me only to fall face first on the floor. _

_"Geez calm down." I breathe trying to help him up but got smacked away. He looks so confused and lost I want to take him in my arms and say it's all ok. _

_"DON'T TOUCH ME!" tears trickle down his pale face onto fisted hands. Hate and longing written all over his eyes like a battle he had no control over. I wanted to end it for him. "Why?" he ask again "Why…I hate you senpai…I hate you so much. But then why?" anger takes over "WHY DOES MY HEART STILL YEARN FOR YOU?!" the brunet beauty screams in my hands._

_He was crying so much, he didn't notice me grab his hands til I forced him on his back. Love and guilt swarmed all throughout me. _

_"Onodera" the sobs died down "You aren't the only one…" can't hold back anymore "I…I love you…" lips crashed mine going down to my collar. Eyes popping out he struggle to get me off._

_"W-what are you doing?! Get off get off!" my hold tightens "St—op!" shutting his eyes, he yells "Aren't you going out with Kisa san?!" _

_I stop._

_Yes I am but…"Listen Onodera, I don't love Shouta. The one I'm in love with is you." I say sternly so he'll take me seriously. Next I whisper "Please…forget the past…and love me back."_

_I never loved Shouta. The only reason I agreed to date him when he asked me was because of loneliness. That and his dense side just reminded me of my Oda. I wanted something to remind me of Ritsu…but it was never love._

_"My heart and soul only belongs to you…Oda." _

_Our eyes meet and even though his are glazed over, something clicks making our hearts beat out of our chests. _

_Our lips crashed and he must have pent up a LOT of frustration because he ripped MY shirt open in one go! Wow…it was demanding but hot in the same time._

_I was undoing his shirt when he grabbed my hands "Wait…s-sorry." Sensing he wanted to leave I grabbed his waist and pulled him to the bedroom. _

_On the bed I sucked on his neck making sure to leave a hickey._

_"Stop stop!" small hands pushed my chest away but in the end I managed to slide his shirt off revealing those breast I still remember clearly._

_"Shh…" kissing him again I whispered "I already know." _

_I grope his breast and roam his body all over til I reach his pants. God his moans are sweeter than any music in the world; just as his skin is as sweet as honey with the smell of cherry blossoms. _

_Thrusting in my touch, he undoes my pants blushing like crazy. Getting the hint of what he wants, who am I to say no._

_Only god knows I should have but I guess the liquor in my system (even though I handle it better than others) mixed with my erection finally got to me._

_Parting his legs I go between them and thrust in slowly. I was drunk but not stupid and I didn't want to hurt him. _

_Moans became cries of ecstasy as I went faster. He was so warm and tight, like I drug I was getting high off of. Then we came._

_Him on the sheets and me in him. Ridding out the orgasm, I continue to plant kisses on his face and chest. whispering sweet things on how I was going to make it up to him and make him happy. Endless devotion of sorrow and love until we both drifted off to slumber. _

I woke up with a major hang over hoping to cuddle my long lost love closer to me only to discover him gone.

Gone from the bed and apartment.

My heart ached even more but I remembered what he said.

_"Why…I hate you senpai…I hate you so much. But the why?" anger takes over "WHY DOES MY HEART STILL YEARN FOR YOU?!"_

That at least gives me some hope.

* * *

**Here you go now i really should go and hurry up finishing re posting MY OWN PATH.  
**

**also the song in the last chapter is called "A small bump" by ed sheeran his songs are sad and i love them so don't judge O.O secondly i thought it fit this story perfectly! lol i don't know why but i always have to put a song for every one of my stories. is that weird? o.O **

**ok ok so i won't waist anymore of anyone's time so BYE~**

**review!**


	13. symptom trouble

**Yeah two chapter in one day!**

**see what happens when i'm inspired and drink lots and LOTS of coffee at the same time!**

**lol~**

**Ok so most of you lol are a bit uncomfortable with Ritsu being both gender and having boobs and a virginal but hey, like I warned in earlier chapters. MY MIND IS FREAKY LOL!**

**If you were to pop open my head and take a look inside, you would probably be scarred for the rest of your life with all my imagination:3 yeah, that's how warped my brain is *evil smirk* **

**But hey, he still a guy;)**

**Oh and here is one tip of pregnancy if no one knows. I didn't til I looked this up. It is word by word so I DO NOT OWN THE INFORMATION WORDING GOT IT? I DO NOT WISH TO BE SUED!**

_**A Woman's First Signs of Pregnancy**__**  
For many women, the first sign of pregnancy is a missed period. Most pregnancy tests will be positive by the time a woman has missed her period. Other early signs of pregnancy include fatigue, feeling bloated, frequent urination, mood swings, nausea, and tender or swollen breasts. Not all women have all of these symptoms, but it is common to have at least one of them. **_

**This is like in the 3****rd**** or 4****th**** week so yeah. If I am wrong then I apologize and is doing the best I can right now. But enough about that!**

**On with the story!**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_"Whoa!" a famine brunet exclaimed excitingly. He was looking at a fresh made copy of a manga he managed and the feeling of this creation by his own hands was priceless._

_It was a feeling of pride for the work that finally paid off. The sweet sensation of accomplishing a job with his own hard work and effort._

_It proved he wasn't useless. _

_Hugging the book to his chest, he sighs. 'Wow…I'm so happy I feel as light as a feather~'. Smiling to himself, the brunet is shocked out of his revere when a voice calls._

_"Onodera."_

_"Eh?" turning behind him, the beauty goes face to face with his raven haired boss. "T-Takano san?" _

_Use to being yelled at constantly by this man, he's stuck into a stupor when grabbed and his plump pink soft lips are assaulted with rough but smooth ones. _

_"Onodera" that husky voice murmurs "…"_

_"?"_

_"…Love you"_

* * *

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA!

Falling off my bed from screaming again (but for a different reason) I land face first smacking into the cold floor.

"Owe" getting up I wrap my blanket around my body shivering at the dream I had for the 3rd week in a row.

Why do I keep dreaming about my boss?!

He's my boss!

I have successfully avoided him since then but these dreams have to stop!

It was only one time and we were drunk. There was NO LOVE involved at all!

So these dreams will go away…right?

Urg!

Banging my head against the bed ranting, I stop as it occurred to me.

_I'm __**dreaming**__._

My eyes pop out.

I'm ACTUALLY dreaming about something that's NOT memories. Not only that but I woke up screaming from shock not terror.

There's no fear

No memory of my attack 10 years ago…

Nothing but a dream from the subconscious of my mind.

And it all started when I woke up in my boss's bed.

…

What does this mean?

Blushing from the discovery, I get up tiredly and go to the bath and open the warm water to wash myself in. ah, lately I'm so tired and feel bloated as hell. Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep? Yeah, hell week is a bitch.

At first I didn't understand what hell week was but now…now I know never to question anything in my job.

I undress myself and step under the calming heat. Haah its nice showering. It helps clear my head at times.

With the wash cloth I gently scrub my body, rubbing smooth circles on every part of myself. From my legs to stomach to chest…huh?

Looking down I question "Did my…did my boobs get bigger?!"

Did they?!

"Nah must be my imagination. Still…I should wear a sweater over my shirt today. Better to be safe than having people finding out I'm a neutral." Wouldn't that be embarrassing?

Just as I was coming out the shower I realized I didn't bring any clothes in with me or a towel. Oh well. My apartment I can do whatever I want.

Ha! What a mistake that was.

Walking out my bathroom I was greeted with yells in my living room.

Wtf!?

I froze when the intruders saw me standing there. Naked.

And I stood there like an idiot!

"R-ricchan?" Kisa's eyes popped out his head like balloons. "Is that…you?"

OH MY FUCKING NON EXISTING GOD!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Ritsu!" Fuji and Kou was here too and they rushed over and hid me from the others eyes.

"What the FUCK are all of you doing in my house?!" Get out! Get the hell out now!

"Ritsu calm down." Kou put his coat on me which I quickly buttoned up. Thank god I'm so much smaller than them because it covers everything! But it still didn't prevent me being seen naked seconds ago!

"What the fuck are you guys doing here!" my coworkers in the maiden department were all here and the president of the company also no less with his assistant!

So much for hiding my nature from them!

"So it's true." Isaka said suddenly.

"HAH?!"

"Here" he shoved an envelope in my face smiling like a child. "This is for you!"

What?

"You…" I was shaking with so much embarrassment and anger that my headaches came back. He's lucky he is the president at my job or else I'll beat him senseless. "You came in MY home WITHOUT my knowledge while I was IN the shower just to give me a letter."

"Yes!"

Grrr…. "Why?! Couldn't you have given it to me at work?" why go through the trouble of coming here?

"Ah! But I was told to give this to you myself in person" keh sly bastard "and to inform you that were transferring to a new building this week. Starting Monday we'll be moving stuff."

Damn the pain's getting worse.

"Why is everyone here then?"

"They were curious about the letter. Well everyone except Takano kun. He's still at the building but he's on his way!" Tsk nosy asses "And your friends here" he gestured to the Yukinas "They said they wanted to check up on you and let us in."

At this I glared hatefully at the brothers. So this is their entire fault! Why did I even give them a key?! Was I high or something?

"Ok, who's the letter from? It has no name."

Smiling nervously, Isaka quietly mumbled stuff I didn't get.

"What was that?" I leaned into him to hear him better.

**"Your father."**

Thump.

Speechless I said nothing looking at him then back at the envelope in my hand. Well what am I supposed to say? It's been years (literally) since I last heard or saw my parents. We didn't exactly part on good terms. Mostly my fault and trust me I feel terrible since then.

I haven't contacted them since I left that psychiatric ward due to my shameful behavior. They did what they thought best for me but I was too far gone at the time to see it.

"You k-know my father…?" the pain in my head was becoming unbearable and spread to my stomach churning it all over the place.

"We talk from time to time. That is how I knew of your…gender(s). He was surprised when he found out you came to work in Marukawa and asked me to give you this letter."

Gulp.

Oh my—

"Onodera kun, you alright?"

Instinctually I grabbed my stomach hugging myself as cold spasm assaulted my body.

Something wasn't right. It was so hot in the room but I was shivering as if it was freezing. Cold sweat broke on my brow and I couldn't breathe normally any more.

"Ritsu? Ritsu!" Fuji came towards me as I fell forward convulsing on my own carpet before blackening out.

* * *

**Hmmm...maybe i was i bit harsh to Ritsu?  
**

**Nah ^.^**

**next up ch 14!**

**and thank you all for getting me to the 100 reviews! **

**i can't put your names in right now because my hands are starting to hurt so when i start the 15th chapter i shall put all your lovely names in kay?**

**SO REVIEW FOR THIS FIRST THEN GO TO CHAPTER 14. just don't bash me please ;.;**


	14. questions and promises

**Back to Takano and yeah i finally finished reposting my own path!**

**sorry had to shoat that.**

**p.s; 2 povs in this chapter (can you guess who the second one is?) **

**enjoy~ :3**

* * *

Uh…question if I may ask.

What the hell is everyone at work doing in Onodera's apartment? And why is said brunet on the ground puking his guts out, dripping wet, naked with nothing more than an over-sized coat on?

"Ritsu? Ritsu!" That damn Fujiwara rushed to the small guy and held him "Kou call the ambulance!" he snapped at his brother who didn't have to be told twice.

All the men were stunned silence with wide eyes trying to register what happened when I came in.

My poor Ritsu went unconscious when his wrenching fiasco was over. Getting out of my stupor I ran forth, pushing the damn Fuji prince away, and checked my love's pulse.

It was slowing down.

He wasn't breathing.

He was shivering so badly it was practically a seizer!

"Fuck!" acting on whim I gave him mouth to mouth not caring about the taste of the puke entering my mouth.

The ambulance soon arrived and the medic pulled me off Ritsu in order to stabilize him better. They put him on a stretcher, in the truck, and drove him away giving us the location of the hospital beforehand.

I fought to go with him but Isaka held me back.

"Go home Takano kun." He said "I'll go there to keep you guys" to everyone now "up to date about his condition but for now all of you go home and change. I'll call you when I find out anything." picking a letter up from the floor, he left with his dog at his tail.

"Tsk" I bit my fist.

What happened to Ritsu?

Is he sick?

"Takano kun" the Yukina brothers glared "Leave him alone. We will go and check up on him. You stay the hell away."

Keh "Yeah right! What right do you have to stop me from seeing him?!"

**"Masamune." **

Damn. Kisa looked at me with this look in his eyes. No it wasn't angry like I anticipated.

It was sorrow.

"Let's go Masamune" his command sounded forced, almost broken even. Is this my fault. My affections for Ritsu must be hurting Kisa.

I'm sorry Kisa but I love Ritsu.

* * *

Worry

Sorrow

_Love_

It's all in his eyes bare for us to see.

The panic when he came and saw his love in that state…it breaks me more knowing I have to keep them apart.

When I figured out Masamune loved Ricchan, before I knew of Ricchan's past, I wanted to shout. Not in jealously but in **happiness.**

To be honest and nothing but honest; I don't know what love is. I never fell in love before, I don't even love Masamune. I was only attracted to his face. But seeing couples truly in love, I yearn for that, but wish them the best and want their happiness.

Think of me like cupid.

Ironic no?

I can't fall in love yet I help others find their love ones.

The real reason I dragged Masamune with me to go with Ricchan and the Yukina to the store was to get Masamune and Ricchan together. To get them to talk or something but it all backfired sadly.

Then everything really turned to dust when I found out about Ricchan's past. After his panic attack and Masamune ran after him. I thought it was romantic but Fujiwara Yukina had to finish that story.

_"I was right." Fuji san sneered in disgust as we watched Masamune's form disappear. "Kisa san" he looked at me "Do you know if Takano kun had a different last name?" _

_His red eyes were begging me._

_Wracking my brain for the answer it hit me "Yes. He told me once his last name use to be Saga or something. That was before his parents divorced though." _

_Anger flared "Saga" he spat "That asshole!" _

_"Eh?!" _

_"Listen to me closely Kisa san." They stared intensely making me cringe. "That man was the man that ruined Ritsu's life. He is the one that abandoned Ritsu that day."_

They begged me, made me promise, to keep Masamune away from Ricchan. I didn't want to but seeing my friend that day cowering unconscious, I gave in.

I don't want anyone to get hurt but no matter which choice I make, one or the other will end up hurt. Masamune with a broken heart or Ricchan with nightmares and panic attack.

The latter worried me worse so I…I threatened to tell Ricchan about Masamune's true identity if the raven were to get close to Ricchan.

It's sad to see but it has to be done.

I have to protect my friend.

I'm sorry Masamune.

So sorry.

The best I think I can do…is allow them to be friends I guess.

"Come on" I said to him hanging the phone up "Let's go see Ricchan."

* * *

**awe~ why i so mean to the characters D:  
**

***Thinks for a second***

**oh yeah, because it's fun! xD**

**so review please and give me your thoughts on all of this!**

**(~./_/.)~ **


	15. P-pregnant!

**Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahaha...i hate writers block-_-  
**

**it makes me go a bit crazier than i really am 0.0**

**anyways~ here we go with the names~  
**

**cookiethug; yes i am sort of sadistic towards my character but i do it with loveXD**

**arisanightray; thankyou for reviewing and staying with this twisted author lol o_.**

**guest #1; hahaha it's ok if you skimped through. am i really that dark?! O.O hmm...well at least you're not judging and i honor people when they share their thoughts truthfully so thank you:3 just don't bash me too hard ne?**

**hiyokocchi; no...don't hate fuji lolXD**

**manga ren; hahahaha thank you ren. you are so kindXD here's a cookie!**

**SaySaeri; MUwahahahahahaha maybe fuji doesn't want to lay off lol;) as for Kisa, who knows what he'll do:3**

**guest #2; i was speaking about the tip on pregnancy dear friend:3 but yeah i do try to make the story fit the anime/manga story line. even through i most likely failed at that TT_TT**

**HiguraSHi18990; hehe you would really say that? high five! i'm not the only one hahahahaha! and thanks it's an honor to know i'm unpredictable:D**

**Svaneaalka; it's ok if you laugh at sad things. i do. My brain is weird and makes scary and sad things plus serious stuff into comedy. aint no shame in that:D**

**Shadedfeather; haha thanks for saying i'm funny:s i try my best you know:3 and here's the next chapter! so don't fret my dear friend *pats back* enjoy~!**

**pinky5907; yup Kisa is awesome like that. too bad he is bound to silence in this case though:/**

**there we have it! **

**if i missed anyone's name please tell me because then i will feel bad:)**

**enjoy~**

* * *

**_Ugly_ **

That is how it got when two seme raced inside the hospital like two mad cows fighting for food. Pure ugly and the poor sleeping beauty lying in the room did not know it.

Takano's crew had yet to get there so it was just him and Kisa. Plus the two Yukina siblings but they were chasing the other two in an attempt to stop them from seeing the patient. Screams and insults were thrown from across the halls, doctors trying to get them out.

In the mist of all the chaos was me. Standing by a room in the corner at of the great hall. Onodera san has already awakened after all the tests conducted on him. So at this moment he's changing. We forgot to bring him clothes but the nurses were cool lending him some.

Or perhaps I should say her for today.

Laughing at my own joke, Takano and Kisa made it.

"How is he?" whoa. I haven't seen Takano kun, the great demon editor, so worked up. Hmm…I wonder if it's possible…

"Isaka!"

"Pardon?"

"Onodera! How is Onodera?!"

Wow, protective are we?

Smirking I chime "The doctors took some tests and they are speaking with Asahina about his condition as we speak. For now we'll wait til they get back."

"Is he awake?"

"Of course! Onodera san is changing right now so come, come stand by me you two~"

Just as I say it, the lil Onodera heir comes out the room as his friends the Yukinas finally make it here shooting glares at Takano san. Interesting~

Seeing the kid I whistle and tease "Looking good Onodera Ch-a-n~" making him blush. Haha the blush goes great with the clothes those nurses gave him.

They gave him a striped blue shirt with cute puffy sleeves complete with the ribbons and a stitched heart at the end on the corner of the fabric. Next they gave him skinny jeans. Wow he really does resemble more a lady than a guy when not wearing baggy clothes.

The more I observe him the more I notice this certain…GLOW.

"I-Isaka san!" that blushes grew as the newbie fidgeted now noticing the other two people with us. "This is not funny!" calming down a bit, he bows to me and thanks me. "Sorry for my inconvenience."

Inconvenience?

You're the one that fainted.

"Nah! no problem. It's not every day one of my workers vomits then faints dead on the floor."

"R-really?"

"Well not the vomiting."

His face sinks. Was it something I said?

"Onodera" the demon editor makes himself heard at last. His look was stern "What did the doctor tell you about what happened?" All eyes go on the brunet so intensely I see sweat drops literally falling from the poor guy.

Doe eyes widen but the owner remains silent.

"Ricchan?" the oldest of the group Kisa tries getting the youngest to talk "Will you tell us what the doctors said, please?" doe brown eyes pleaded with jade green ones.

"Tell Ritsu." One of the Yukina puts his hand on Onodera's shoulder making him flinch.

"Um…" instead of talking the kids runs off down the hall catching us all by surprise.

Everyone screams for him to come back but he doesn't listen. Too bad he doesn't get that far. Before he can turn the corner of the hall Asahina runs into him and stops his escape plan.

"Don't run" he commands grabbing Onodera by his waste placing a hand on his stomach. Now THIS catches my interest. Leaning TOO close to the kid, MY Asahina whispers something in Onodera's ear then lets him go. "Come Onodera san" leading him back to us, I give a hard jealous glare at Asahina.

What has gotten into the prick?! Gently grabbing someone like that! You are only supposed to hold ME and only me like that!

"Isaka" dead man beckons "Don't make that face." He flicks me on the head.

Farcing my smile I beam "I dunno what you're talking bout. Care to enlighten me?" humorlessly.

Rolling those eyes at me, my lover turns to Onodera who he got gripped by the elbow. "Tell them everything Onodera." His mood is stern as usual. -_-

Shaking by the tense aura (and perhaps also from my threatening glare. Don't judge me.) the brunet drops his eyes to the ground.

Fed up from the wait, Takano takes this matter into his own two hands. LITERALLY.

We watch as the kid gets grabbed at the shoulders by the raven editor. "Tell us!" he demands shaking the guy.

This only leads to another fight.

"Oi! Don't touch him!"

"Well he's not telling us what's wrong with him!"

"Masamune…"

"He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to!"

**"That's it enough!"**

My lover barks silencing the whole team. It's shocking because he never raises his voice. Him being this loud is either very serious or something else that I don't even want to think.

Brushing his hair with his hand, Asahina growls "If Onodera isn't gonna say anything then I'll tell you guys. Onodera san is—"

A blur passes us and tackles my love to the ground.

"Eh?" united we gasp.

Why did…why did this kid knock Asahina down?!

"Onodera san—" said guy covers my lover's mouth preventing him from speaking further.

"Malnutrition"

"What?" they question.

Speaking louder, Onodera practically screams "The doctors said it was fatigue and malnutrition that lead to me fainting!"

"No it—" once again Asahina was cut off.

"MALNUTRITION! MALNUTRITION! MALNUTRITION! MALNUTRITION! MALNUTRITION!" chanting it like a mantra we all knew there was more but before anyone can make him cave into confessing, a doctor came.

"Oi! Don't make my patient stress." He scolded lifting Onodera up "And you miss, be more careful now on you here." He too touched the guy's stomach. "We don't want you back here again ok Madame."

Nodding to the doctor, Onodera thanks him and walks away leaving us full of questions.

"Now" the doc turns back to us, his soft personality is gone, replaced by a mean one. "All of you get out now before I get security."

Looks like it's my cue to step up.

"We understand doc! Please forgive us. Come guys." I usher them out and make them all go home reluctantly.

In my car, Asahina and I say nothing. It's not tense but curiosity and jealously is getting the better of me at this point.

"So~" casually I glance at him suppressing my emotions with all my might "What was with that display earlier? You grabbing the newbie like that…anything to tell me?" please let it be my imagination!

**"He's pregnant."**

"Oh I see…WAIT HAH?!"

* * *

**Did you guys enjoy?  
**

**i hoped you did. i will try typing more this week before i leave to Texas with my familyxD**

**imma go visit my family there. CAN'T WAIT!**

**I just hope i can get through the ridiculous heat, headaches, and nosebleeds:3**

**i might, i repeat, MIGHT bring my trusted laptop with me. but that doesn't mean I'll be posting stuff sadly:/ **

**if i don't bring my laptop, then i'll bring my old friend the notebook to continue my stories and type them when i get back!**

**so enjoy the chapters i post this week ne?**

**any who~ **

**REVIEW!**

**nekocandy4life:3**


	16. emotional

**Yeah chapter 16! Man i'm catching up to pick up the pieces:/ should get back to that one ne?**

**anyways names~~~~~**

**arisanightray; maybe in the next chapter who knows:3**

**hiyokocchi; YES! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA lets go rub it in his face:p**

**SaySaeri; you think so? i didn't really like Isaka's pov and i typed it hahaha but seriously, i'm not so sure of his personal so it was hard but i'm glad it came out at least decent:)**

**Svaneaalka; hahahaha yup but it's the clueless people that make life laugh Bahahahahaha:D**

**pink frozen rose; Oh my god i missed you! *hugs* and yeah...this is a lot of drama and still more to come:/ but i love itxD you have school already?! is it fun or is it like my school where you just want to go into depression and drown in there? yeah i hate my school:/  
**

**now that i settle that~ Texas here i come lol! my dad's letting me bring my laptop and he said i can use his internet flash drive if i want so i might be able to post some things *wink wink* lol**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

"Well fuck you too refrigerator!" Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg I can't take this anymore!

My emotions are too much lately and the cravings aren't helping me in the least! Kicking the damn refrigerator I begin crying.

All I wanted was something sweet but all I have is stupid energy drinks and water! Fuck! What the hell have I been doing to not buy food?!

Hiding that's what!

Hiding and crying and…uwaah!

All I want is something to cease my hunger!

Reaching my limit already so soon in the morning I let myself bawl…again.

This is too much.

I'm so hungry and tired.

All I want to do is go back in my room, lie in bed under the comforting covers, and sink into myself as the darkness takes me away from this reality.

Yeah I get like that most of the times.

Just wanting to hide away hoping to vanish from this world and turn into the nothingness I am.

But that feeling is becoming more frequent now like a flood threatening to burst out of my body. I feel so vulnerable and scared and stupidly helpless. Like when I was 15.

I know I should have started thinking to the past again but I can't help it.

I'm so scared…

I'm pregnant.

What should I do?

When the doctors told me I was actually happy but then the memories chose that time to destroy my happy bubble. Then what the doctor told me next scared me shitless.

* * *

_"Now Onodera san, I want to be completely frank with you." Dr. Tsumori claimed as the nurses handed me some clothes. Though I didn't want to wear them but never the less had to. It was either being a girl for the day or walk around in the nude._

_Not really a chose in that sense._

_"Well there's no other way to say this Miss but you're pregnant."_

_Bam!_

_Like a clueless doe getting hit by a semi-truck. _

_Nice._

_"P-pardon?" _

_That can't be right. _

_"I haven't been puking or aching til today. Not to mention what all the doctors told me before!" I argued yet butterflies of hope swarmed inside my belly as I clutch the clothes to my chest._

_A baby_

_really? _

_Someone for me to cradle in my arms and lull to sleep at night when the dark is too scary. _

_"Well yes but looks like you proved them wrong" a smile graced his lips then dropped too suddenly. "But there are some concerns."_

_Oh no._

_Concerns are never good when it comes from a stupid doctor. _

_"You intestines are, how to say, scrambled making you uterus cramped. Plus the internal wounds that was inflicting on you long ago on the inside…to put this simply, you and the baby are gonna be in extreme danger if not taken care of properly."_

_"…"_

_"Due to your weak structure the symptoms, the whole pregnancy will be severe more than what a normal pregnancy should be. This make me fear for your wellbeing. You can lose your life as well as the baby's understood?"_

_The baby life endangered!_

_"What can I do to prevent that?"_

_Dr. Tsumori scratches his chin, debating on telling me, though in the end he does but I wished he kept his mouth shut._

_"My personal suggestion is to get an abortion."_

_Those words drop my heart in my stomach._

_"You can't be serious!" I look at him thinking he's grown two head on each side of his shoulders. My hatred for doctors came back twice as much as in the past. "I can't do that!" _

_Backing away from my death glare (best he had before I smacked him) he holds up both hands in surrender. "That is my suggestion only because this is fragile situation and don't want you losing your life miss. You don't have to abort the baby if you don't want to but make sure to be cautious got it. Any little stress or pressure (physical or emotional) might damage the child."_

_Taking out a clip board, the doctor smiles come back "I gonna set up appointments for you to make sure your pregnancy goes smoothly and I'll give you a list of things to do to assure you take care of yourself. But first tell me, who's the father so he can help out as well."_

_Da-dump _

_"The f-father?" guilt sinks into me.  
_

_"Yes, with you delicate pregnancy, you are gonna need him during these nine months. He has to support you. Now name please."_

_The father…_

_The face of my boss pops to mind making me blush shamefully. Then new faces pop up in my mind's eye. Kisa, Fuji's, and my stomach drops more.  
_

_"The father well…he's uh…"_

_As if reading my thoughts, Dr. Tsumori smiles sympathetically. "Understood, sorry. Please dress yourself as I leave."_

_"Hai"_

* * *

He wasn't lying when he said the symptoms will get more severe than usual.

Feeling anger take over suddenly, I throw open the refrigerator door nearing breaking it off and take the energy drinks out throwing them everywhere splattering onto my walls and floor.

Fuck everything and everyone!

I hate that I'm pregnant!

But I love that I'm pregnant all the same too!

I hate you Takano for knocking me up!

Yet I'm glad you did.

Grrrrrrrrr "WHY AM I'M SO MESSED UP?!"

And the damn thing that worries me the most is the fear of losing this baby…as well.

If I lose you little one…my heart won't be able to take it.

Gently I place a hand on my belly that has yet to show. Please live this time little one. Please live so I can shower you with love and hold you tightly.

Please…

***KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK***

Banging brings me out of my emotional rollercoaster back down to reality.

My phone goes off for the fifth time this morning. Its glowing light taunting me once more like waking me up from slumber wasn't enough.

Damn phone.

"Onodera!" my boss's voice come from outside with more banging.

Is he stupid?

The bangs turn to kicks getting louder by the second. The noise is so annoying I pick my tired body up from the floor and slam open the damn door to shut the nuisance up before the land lady comes up and scolds us.

Since yesterday the man's been stalking me. Trying to get me to fess up what the doctor said. Like hell I am going to tell him I'm pregnant and it's HIS entire fault!

Why would he give a damn anyways?

"You are disturbing the neighbors." I glare.

"That's your fault for not answering when I knocked the first time." He states matter-of-factly so full of himself that it pisses me off even more.

"What do you want" snapping my anger rises as my face blushes.

"I thought we could walk to work together since you keep avoiding me…were you crying?" those amber eyes show pure worry. It hurt to see that in those eyes but I play dense and look away."

"Onodera look at me."

Hell no!

"Please look at me" with his soft hand, he takes my chin and lifts it to meet his gaze. "What's the matter?" this sudden…kindness makes me feel much more weak than before and I hate it. It's like this man can see through me.

I feel as if he's breaking through the barriers I've set up without even trying to and it scares me. I'm like a fish caught in a trap; his trap.

"Onodera" those hands move to my forehead "Are you ok?"

With a pounding heart I move his hand away weakly. I feel drained. Too drain.

"It's nothing" I lie "I'm just frustrated because I forgot to get food to eat today that's all." Ok so that's not really a lie. My craving is making me more emotional than I truly am.

I need to make a note to get some actually food after work.

"Hn ok then"

"Hah?! What are you doing?"

Taking me by my hand, Takano san pulls me to the elevator "It's still a bit early so we can get breakfast before work starts. My treat." He doesn't give me a say in it as he forces me into his car and drives off to some dinner.

This is bad!

It's worse knowing we slept together behind Kisa's back (well I was drunk but it is still wrong!) and that I am knocked up with this guy's kid.

"Pick anything you want." We get seated in a booth.

"No that's alright. I don't want to be a burden." God this is awkward. I don't like being near him. The guilt towards Kisa is just too much. Kisa I am so sorry…

"You're not a burden."

"Hello gentlemen, can I take your orders?" some waitress comes before I can protest against the raven demon.

"Yes I would like some scrambled eggs and beacon please."

"Gotcha hot stuff~" she turns to me "And you mam?"

Mam?

But I'm dressed as a guy like always.

"Um…" I look at the menu timidly and feel my cheeks heat up "Uh chocolate pancakes please." Yes anything with chocolate!

"You got it! And what will you like to drink?"

Well I can't have coffee; it's bad for the baby. "Orange juice."

"Coffee" Takano san answers smoothly.

"Coming right up~!"

Silence envelopes us when the waitress leaves.

What do I say to this guy?

How did I even get myself into this situation?

"Something's different about you."

Gah!

Has he figured me out?!

Feeling my stomach it is still flat.

Secretly sighing I ask "What do you mean?" please don't give anything away face.

"I don't know…you're glowing I guess."

"G-glowing?"

He nods "Yes. It's cute."

Gulp

"Shouldn't you be saying that sort of thing to your boyfriend Kisa san?" Stop using them on me you two timer. That night was wrong on so many levels! Hn thinking of that, this must be my punishment for that night. Looks like god's sense of humor for me hasn't changed a bit.

He sighs obviously annoyed. "I don't love Shouta, I tried breaking up with him but that didn't go so well."

"Oh? Do tell."

Sweat dropping, he looks away from my gaze "Let just say he's using black mail to keep me from leaving."

Wow.

Kisa is capable of that? But he's…so childish and not twisted. He actually helps me cheer up and keep my mind of things with his personality at times. But he really does have a dark side as well? Wow…just wow. I don't if I should worry about that or bow to Kisa for black mailing this guy.

"Oh…I'm sorry." My face can't get any redder than this. Hopefully not.

"Don't worry bout it. I can still see the one I love throughout the days." A smirk plays on his lips.

The one he loves…why does that sting?

"Who's that?"

**"You."**

_Ba-bump!_

Uh…now what?

Thankfully the waitress came back with our orders and we sat in silence eating. Secretly I manage to steal some glances at the man sitting in front of me.

His words replaying in my head.

I hate you so much Takano san…you are exactly like Saga senpai. I hate you both but my heart flutters at your words involuntarily.

Do I tell you the truth or do I keep this a secret?

Tsk.

No. my pregnancy is to blame here.

This is not the start of romantic feelings.

I'm just emotional that's all.

Yeah emotional.

* * *

**Man Ritsu...your sort of scary when pregnant O.O  
**

**lol then most pregnancy scares me ^_^**

**thank my aunts and cousins for placing that fear in me. when they were pregnant they went hulk scary. i almost thought one of them were gonna kill me when she got mad. *shivers* My life literally flashed before my eyes that day QwQ **

**yup an emotional pregnant female is the scariest thing in my eyes. **

**BEWARE OF THEM 0w0**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	17. starting anew

**Hello party people~**

**Anyone missed me?**

**Yes…no…maybe?**

**Just a lil?**

**TT^TT**

* * *

_Glowing_

That's what Onodera's practically doing.

He is glowing.

Like the neon rays of a light coming down from a full majestic moon.

Corny right?

I can't help it. Ritsu's the only one capable of making me all mushy and cheesy. Like a love struck girl. Corny things just pop to mind when I'm around him.

Well corny and maybe perverted things…plague my mind when Onodera's near.

That and worry.

Yesterday, after running away, he holed himself up in his apartment; refusing to see anybody or speak to anyone about what the doctors told him.

I'm just glad he agreed to have breakfast with me (though I did have to force him along).

He was too cute (did I just think this?!) eating those chocolate pancakes but a pensive look settled in his eyes as he stole glances at me.

Guess after what we did of course he'll be nervous around me.

Same old, same old.

Exactly what goes on in that head of yours Onodera?

Will I gain enough trust one day for you to tell me?

At work he looked ready to drop dead.

It is so scary!

I'm afraid to take my eyes off him for a minute!

Should I give him a break? But if I do, the others will see it as favoring.

I can't favor anyone here.

Damn.

"Pssss Masamune!"

Double damn.

"What Kisa?"

"You should send Ricchan home. He doesn't look good at all."

No. You probable just want us separated from each other.

But what if Onodera's still ill?

"Where is he?"

"Bathroom puking."

TRIPLE DAMN!

I'm rushing out to get him when Isaka's dog, Asahina, gets in my way.

Aggravated, I bark "Out the way!" I'm in no mood to be messed with right now "I have to see something now move!"

Calmly as ever, Asahina refuses "Whatever it is you must wait. I have some news regarding your newbie Onodera."

Ok, now he's got my attention.

"What about the newbie?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"First sit down."

Tsk.

Reluctantly I obey thinking this better be good before I punch somebody.

"You got things taken care of here?" Isaka's lazy ass comes in holding— holding Onodera's hand!

Envy takes a stab at my heart but I force it down.

1; because Isaka's dating his dog and

2; I do not wish to be fired anytime soon.

"I'm taking care of it now."

Grinning from ear to ear, Isaka leaves pulling the man I love with him. "We'll be in the cafeteria if you need us!"

At the peak of my patience I growl "Are you gonna tell me or what!"

The prick waves me off and gathers my team together.

"Now that I got your complete attention; I am only going to say this ONCE. So if you don't hear me or want to be stupid and test my patience by making me repeat myself, I will not. This is serious so listen carefully and listen well."

Taking a breather, he spits it out "Onodera san is pregnant."

That's all it wa— wait wha!?

Pregnant!

My Oda: pregnant.

As in a child in his belly?

If he's pregnant then who's…who is the father?

Is it Fujiwara?

As if sensing my question, Kisa jumps up and shouts "Ricchan's pregnant?! How long?!"

Reacting like that earns him a glare from the dog.

"Like I was saying. The doctors informed me that Onodera san is 3 weeks along."

3 weeks…

Ka-bam!

Realization is a bitch.

Fujiwara can't be the father so that means…

I'm the father.

_Ba-bump!_

Onodera is pregnant

_Ba-bump!_

With my kid

_Ba-bump!_

Whoa…

"Now this is the serious part. Onodera, according to the doctors, is more fragile than the average mother. Due to this he cannot be stressed or hurt in any way. It can kill him and the child."

Kill him!

"So what we're doing is giving him a choice whether to stay working here or take paternity leave. If chosen the first, then we need you Masamune to split his work up among the group and him small jobs and DO NOT OVER WORK HIM. Did I make myself clear?"

Too stunned (for different reasons), we say "Hai" in unity.

"Good, I or Isaka will check on him from time to time as a precaution. Now as you were men."

I can feel kisa's sage eyes on me drilling through my head.

"Who do you think the father of the child is Takano san?"

Translation; _'you knocked him up didn't you'_

"Ah? Masamune, where you going?!"

Fast walking out, I head to the cafeteria remembering Isaka saying that's where they'll be.

Anger and happiness fights for dominance in me.

I'm angry Ritsu was planning on keeping this from me (well it is my fault and all but still dammit)!

But I'm happy because he's carrying my child.

The love of my life, pregnant, and with my child.

Mine!

It so surreal and I want to hear it from the expecting mother himself.

Onodera and Isaka are sitting by the entrance way, right where I can hear them clearly on the other side of the way.

I hear Onodera's voice. Cracked. Ready to break into sobs.

"I can't. I-I won't!"

Won't what?

"I already chose to keep the baby. I want to keep it. I can't abort it."

Whew!

Next Isaka's voice flows. Serious. Concerned.

"Then leave."

"Wha— no! I can still work!"

"It's dangerous."

A pause the Isaka continues "I know about your past Onodera san. Everything and you grew up half your life with no parental guide to show you the way. Face it. You are but a child in a grown up's world trying to survive but not knowing how. Go home. Back to your parents. You need them with your condition now. Don't lose yourself again."

I hear paper rustling but I don't dare peek to see what it is.

"I…I ca-can't. not after the things I said…" small sounds resonate throughout the room.

Isaka lets a sigh out then consoles "You weren't in the right state of mind. They miss you. Go to them. If not now then think about it and if you truly are positive you want to continue working here then ok but under some conditions. Your work will be split."

"I can't possible…"

"Don't worry bout it! Me and Asahina will be around to help you out as well."

"But I don't want to be a burden! I have to stand up by myself!"

"No you don't. Asahina already informed your coworkers."

A loud clack resounds making even me flinch: that sweet voice shrieks "You/he what?!"

"Onodera san calm down" Isaka tries soothing the brunet's anxiety "I know you didn't want anyone knowing but we have to since you refuse to tell the name of the father. You can't support yourself alone. Just accept our help."

"B-But!"

"No buts now let's get you home so you can rest kay? Come on."

They came out so fast; I didn't have time to run away so I played it cool.

"Ah Takano!" at my name Onodera pales.

I just want to tackle him and plant kisses on his face.

But I can't…not now anyways.

"Can you take Onodera san home?"

All too fast I reply "Certainly."

The drive is silent and very uncomfortable. Onodera is stiff as hell as if I'm holding a gun to his head. He doesn't even attempt so much as to glance at me.

I want him to talk to me.

Tell me freely and straight out that he's pregnant with my child.

But no; instead he falls asleep.

Ah…I need a cigarette right about now and we need to talk without him running away again.

A light bulb lights on. I know the perfect place to go.

Heading towards the destination, I park on a hill with a bench under a tall oak tree standing proudly watching the city of Tokyo down below.

Taking a blanket out the trunk, I gently place it on Onodera so he won't get cold and tenderly give him a small kiss on the head.

I go by the tree and look out at the city with it hoping to clear my mind.

Evening turns to night when my love finally awakens.

It began to snow; little crystals of white dancing in circles as Onodera came closer. Oh how my heart swelled at the sight! Him encircled by dancing snowflakes swaying this way and that. Glowing. Such an unearthly beauty.

Inside as well as out!

But that bedhead!

It does not suit his beauty…those cowlicks…they're just mocking me.

"Wow!" he awes looking at the lights of the city getting covered by snow. "It's so pretty. I haven't seen snow in years!"

Ba-bump!

A small blush caresses my cheek but I remain calm and say coolly "I'm glad you like it. I'm happy I got to see this with you."

The words cause him to blush a cheery red which deepens as he lowers his head and says "I'm sorry."

Trembling he bows to me and continues "I'm sorry for not telling you about my pregnancy. I promise you I won't ask you for help or trouble you for anything."

No!

"What are you going on about?" I scoot closer to him my eye twitching at his bedhead "are you stupid? I don't care if you're pregnant, I love you. Besides it's my child also in you as well." I claim placing a hand full of snow on his head.

"What're you doing?! That cold!"

"Your bedhead is annoying me! Here, let's fix it with the snow!"

"NO!"

Struggling, Onodera ends up holding my wrist, our faces close. Realizing this, he pulls away blushing but that doesn't stop me from pouncing and taking him in my arms.

Kissing you til our lips are swollen, even then I don't stop until he pushes me away weakly.

"What about Kisa and…and Fuji" guilt overtakes him "It's wrong…to hurt them like this. It's cruel." Sneezing, I realize just how cold it's gotten since we've been out here.

Taking his hand in mine, I lead us back to the car "Before you get sick."

"But what about Kisa and them!"

"Let me worry about that." I say sternly giving him no room for arguing. As I wait for the car to warm up I decide to confide in him a secret I never told anybody. "You know I use to dream of something like this when I was younger. Having someone I love pregnant with my kid. A family of my own with the right person by my side." you of course "silly isn't it."

When my Oda never returned and I went into depression from the guilt, I would have dreams of what could have been.

In my dreams, Oda was pregnant.

Smiling, belly round, and happy.

Looking at it now, maybe it wasn't silly at all? Maybe I can finally start anew with Onodera. Not as Saga senpai but as Takano Masamune.

"That's not silly." Blushing crazily he opens up to me a little "Isn't it natural to think those things. I use to think them…" sadness flows through his eyes thinking about our past.

It hurts me to see the pain but I can't contain my joy knowing he thought the same things back then as well.

I pull him into a searing kiss and position myself on him, minding his stomach.

"Ritsu" I breath his scent.

Cherry blossoms

Intoxicating like the rest of his body.

He tries hiding his beautiful flushed face but I won't have that.

"I want to see your face"

There are streaks of fear in those emerald eyes but he does not push me away. Placing his trust in me, I blanket him with pleasure. Going as slow as possible to burn this moment into memory for years to come.

Ritsu…

"I love you so much"

When we got home, Fujiwara and Kisa were waiting for us at our doors.

"Masamune!"

"Ritsu!"

"Shit!"

* * *

**Ok so there you have it. i wanted to write more and post over the week in Texas but my dad needed my laptop so i couldn't lol. i know i said i was going to right a lot but i got side tracked the writers block snuck up on me which is why i had trouble with this chapter grrr. **

**so i'm sorry if this chapter sucks.**

**it is exactly 12:48 am right now and i feel like im on the verge of fainting so i won't do the names right now maybe tomorrow (technically later) if i feel up to it. **

**but thank you guys who are reviewing and putting up with my sad self.**

**also i shall dedicate my time later in the day (since it's already morning) on finishing Opposite sides of the river. then i shall precede to Pick up the pieces.  
**

**wish me luck!**

**review please!**

***big adorable neko eye***

**do it for the poor neko~**


	18. don't screw it up this time

**I'm here at last!**

**Yah~**

**I was gonna finish my homework but i got lazy with it and decided what the hell i shall make this chapter and then go back to my homework!**

**lol**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

Life is so funny.

Especially when everything crashes down on you at once, crushing you to no end.

At this point I don't know what to feel anymore.

What should I do and how should I react?

Haaah life is really funny.

I can laugh at this situation or break down in a mess or tears.

There's also the option of letting the anger that has been brewing inside out and splatter them with. All these emotions make me sick and basically I don't want to deal with them right now.

I just want to go inside, out of the cold snow filled air, and rest.

Maybe it's better if I turn away from everyone in this hallway and lock in on myself. I want to trust people but…

"Ritsu where have you been?!" Fuji runs over to me, shoving Takano san away. I think the hormones were kicking in at that moment or maybe it was fear kicking in. "Kisa san told me about…i-is it true?"

Yes!

Yes it is true!

But nothing came out. The words got caught in my throat so I just hung my head and held the tears back from prying eyes.

"Oh god…" Fuji sighed. I could feel his eyes burning down on the top of my head. I can feel him begging me to make eye contact but I couldn't.

I broke his heart again but this time worse.

Oh god…

"Hey, hey, hey." His long fingers hold me, pulling me to his wide chest "Stress isn't good for you or the baby so calm down. It's not your fault. I know you wouldn't do something like this to me. This was all just an accident. You are too kind to be cruel to your friends."

Tears sting my eyes as the boiling water finally reaches its peak and explodes. "Why aren't you angry!?" my anger seethes at those soft words "You're supposed to be mad at me! This is my fault because I wanted to be stupid! Why keep being nice when I ripped your heart out cruelly?!"

"Because I love you and I always want to be by your side even if you don't feel the same and I have to remain your friend then so be it."

Geh…

More tears fall.

* * *

Honestly I think this is a miracle.

Yeah my heart hurts knowing Ritsu's heart will never belong to me as the baby growing in his belly but I'm happy for him.

He's pregnant. Something the doctors said will never be able to happen to him again.

It broke him when his first child died so maybe…hopefully this one will live and fix what we can't. I don't have time to be selfish or jealous. Ritsu needs me especially since he is pregnant and if that means I will be nothing more than his best friend for life.

Then ok.

I will be what he wants me to be and stay by his side.

He deserves good things in life and I want to see him get them.

I will always be here for you Ritsu.

Through thick and thin I shall stay besides you and make sure to pick you up whenever you fall down. I just don't want to see you lose it again.

Those days you lost it still haunts me.

I don't want you to go through that again.

"Ritsu…" I look down to find him sleeping in my arms. Smiling warily I move to lift him up but the bastard takes him from my arms.

I'm in no mood to fight or talk with him but I will if he does anything that will hurt Ritsu. Taking the bag Ritsu dropped; I pull out the apartment keys and unlock the door.

We both go in including Kisa san and boy Ritsu must have through a raging fit in the morning. There's energy drinks or water (my guess) all over the walls and floor of the kitchen.

I sure hope it was hormones that made him flip.

"I'll take him to bed" the raven says but stops when I call him.

"Don't think for a second this makes everything ok. I promised to stay by Ritsu's side and watch over him so if you screw him up _**THIS**__**TIME**_, I will kill you myself. Remember that."

I get a gruff for his response so I know he understands I'm not bluffing.

Turning back to the kitchen I sigh at the mess again.

Ritsu…hah I'll clean this up.

* * *

"Why are you so calm? I thought you hated Onodera."

"Eh?!" Kisa looks puzzled "Hate Ricchan? I can never hate Ricchan!"

What?!

"To be honest Masamune, I'm happy you got Ricchan knocked up. Maybe this time you can fix your mistakes and make it up to him."

Ok again I say "What?! W-what happened to your whole blackmail thing?" you aren't as forgiving as this Kisa I know that.

Blushing a bit he answers "Oh that…haah I only did that because Fujiwara begged me to." Dafuq "When you ran after Ricchan the day we went to the store, the Yukina brothers told me everything. Well...almost everything and then made me promised to keep you away from Ricchan."

Damn those shojo looking brothers!

"I didn't want to because I think you and Ricchan are perfect for each other but after seeing Ricchan in the state he was in that day…I never want to see him in so much pain again."

Salience envelopes us as we watch my pregnant lover sleep. His face holds so much worry and confusion; I wish I was able to wipe them away.

"Hey Takano san" Kisa says not calling me by my first name anymore "Take this second chance and make Ricchan happy again ok."

A small ghost of a smile graces my lips as I nod "I will."

"Also~ can I be the baby's uncle PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE! I wanna see how your guy's baby looks when it comes out and I wanna get to spoil it too!"

Uh…

After the two leave, I enjoy this time cuddling in bed with Ritsu. He's so warm and comfortable.

Half asleep, he wakes up looking around trying to remember what went on hours ago. Not wanting to scare him I fain being asleep by closing my eyes.

I feel him stiffen then leave the bed slowly.

As much as I want to grab his wrist and pull him back down I can't. If I do he might go into one of his fits again.

I have to be patient with him.

His footsteps go into the living room then stops. I hear the sound of tearing paper then the beeping of a phone buttons.

Curious I hold my breath to listen to who he's calling.

When I hear his words, I smile.

"H-hello…mother, yeah it's been a long time…too long."

* * *

**Yah~**

**Fuji and Kisa shall BACK THE HELL OFF TAKANO MAN!**

**But will Fuji let Takano have his way completely?**

**And what about the parents?**

**any questions?**

**Takano; *raises hand***

**Me; NOT YOU DOUCHE BAG!**

**Takano; =_=***

**review!**


	19. 4 months and some shoes to fill

**URRRRRRRRGE! I am so mad!**

**My only chances to know what type of colleges is right for me and get interviewed for them GONE! Thanks GRANDMA for not giving me the letter on A WEEK before when you first got it!**

**She's always doing shit like this to me damn!**

**One day, imma get a letter addressed to her and I won't give it to her until two weeks later!**

**How you like that grandma? **

**We should all get paints and paint her windows rainbows.**

**I apologize for ranting but I'm sick of her doing that to me. I want to go to college and get a career I love but it's hard when my family keeps pulling shit like that. I push myself just to get letters of recommendation for colleges and advance classes so it hurts when an opportunity like this gets taken from me:(**

**Never trust my old lady!**

**Any who~ now that I vented some anger *huffs* I shall shut up now and continue this story:3**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

4 months and a half week.

We came so far in these weeks and yet I'm still falling deeply in love with Ritsu.

He is just amazing; or should I call him a she now?

During first few months of pregnancy Ritsu's body has been changing. His physique has gotten more like an hour glass, his bosom got bigger (due to swelling) his hair is now shoulder length and his belly is slightly showing now. Though you can't see it with the baggy clothes he still wears.

He looks more beautiful than I had ever imagined.

We kept to the promise of see his doctor every 2 weeks due to his health problems but today is special. Today we're going to learn the sex of our baby and see him/her in all their glory.

We have to make it there at 4:00 this afternoon.

I'm so bubbly on the inside that those weeks of constant headaches due to that Fujiwara coming around all the time and then Ritsu's hormones mixed with me not being able to smoke don't even bother me anymore.

I just can't wait to see our baby.

I wonder what he or she will look like.

Will it have my or Ritsu's looks mostly?

So many questions that I am dying to find out!

Ritsu's excited too!

Though…sometimes I sense he's also sad and afraid of this. He accepted me and the fact he is pregnant with my child but at times I catch him blanking out mindlessly rocking himself while rubbing his stomach.

Then there are those night terrors.

He wakes up at times screaming and thrashing in his sleep. I sleep mostly at his apartment now because he refuses to move in with me and I was afraid of him hurting himself and the baby with the stress of the dreams.

The doctor gave him some pills to calm him but they aren't that strong. It can harm the baby. Actually Ritsu can't take the medicines needed for pregnancy; he's much too fragile to handle it which makes this all the more delicate pregnancy to deal with.

I also have to be on my guard and conscious to not flip some memory switch in him.

I don't want to continue lying to Ritsu, I don't, but I'm afraid of him finding out who I really am and then rejecting me. Also the shock and stress can also hurt or worse kill our baby.

I DON'T WANT THAT!

Kisa and Fujiwara is also keeping Ritsu from finding me out though we don't have to do much because Ritsu doesn't bother to be suspicious or ask questions (thank you hormones) he's too busy with work and the weird cravings he gets at times now.

Like chocolate covered pickles or chips inside pineapple pizza with cookie dough ice cream.

But mostly he just craves Doritos or sweet things at times.

Another thing I had to do for the 3 months of his pregnancy: he couldn't eat anything due to his nausea/ morning sickness, so I had to make him food that consisted of ginger with some lemon water.

Or as doctor Tsumori calls it "pregnant women food".

Which reminds me…I wonder what Isaka and Kisa is going to feed Ritsu. They came in today and ambushed Ritsu to take him shopping for our baby (and hopefully some dresses to show off his women figure).

Leave me alone.

I can have my dreams of seeing my love in a dress.

Haah—I wish I could have went with them but no, I'm stuck here in this hell of an office having to deal with half ass authors THAT THINK IT'S ALRIGHT TO WASTE MY TIME!

"I don't care if your hand breaks and falls off on the spot! I want those pages done tonight and faxed to me or I swear I will bash your door down and drag you by your hair to the Tokyo River and throw you over board to sleep with the fishes!"

Sheesh. I hate authors.

"Stop crying and get to drawing!"

With that, I hang up and turn back to the rest of my work on my desk.

It's pretty peaceful and everything is going smoothly (progress) until…it HAPPENED.

There, slithering its demonic way to me, was the spawn of the devil herself—

My sister.

"Oi"

Oh dear god.

* * *

They nearly gave me a heart attack this morning!

I was working peacefully, minding my own business, when these two childish adults ambushed me! They both grabbed each of my arms and practically dragged me outside and in a car!

"W-what are you guys d-doing?!"

"Shhh! Ricchan, calm down."

"Calm down?!" I think I'm going into another anxiety attack "My heart is beating too fast because of your guys sabotage and you expect me to calm down?!"

"Too keep the baby safe—yes."

Damn.

Fine.

"Why did you guys drag me here then? I was working"

Oh no. I know those devious smiles anywhere.

"Well~" Isaka's grin widens "You and Takano san has been working so much that you guys don't have the time to get the necessary stuff for you and the little angel. And your already beginning to show so~"

Kisa finishes for him "We're taking you shopping!"

Dear god.

What have I've done to deserve this?

**.o0o.**

"U-um…Isaka san…Kisa san…I believe this is more than enough."

Too much to be exact!

The friggin cart is overflowing with baby stuff. From clothes to toys, binkies and bottles. They got strollers and more clothes and a crib as well!

This is too much to accept!

I don't want to be burden like this and have them buy these things.

Plus my feet are killing me!

My body feels so much weak now these days and due to the changes in my body it gets hard to breath at time.

"Let's just put these things back and leave."

"No!" Isaka and Kisa pounced "It's not close to enough for our little soon to be niece or nephew! We need more toys! And then afterwards we have to get you some Maternity dresses."

"M-maternity dresses!" my face flames hearing the word dress.

"Of course. You belly is getting big now and your clothes won't be able to fit after a while. You need the dresses."

"But why d-dresses?! There are pants you know."

"Dresses are better and don't suffocate the child, that's what my mother always taught me" Kisa chimes in "well before she found out I was gay."

Isaka smiles and pulls my arm once again "Now come! Don't worry about anything Onodera san, we'll find some nice dresses for you to wear. Beside you do make a cute young lady."

Gah! "Please don't say stuff like that!"

"Heehee~"

"By the way Ricchan" Kisa follows pushing the cart "You are Takano san are going to find out the baby's gender today right?"

"Yes" thinking about it warms me from the inside out and makes me smile. "I can't wait."

Will this one be a boy or girl?

I just want to know right now!

But then what if…NO! stop talking inner voice!

But—

Shut. It.

"Neither can I!"

"Huh?"

"I want to know the baby's gender too Ricchan. Promise to tell me once you find out. PROMISE! Promise me!"

"I will don't worry."

"PINKY SWEARS!"

Is he really my elder?

"I pinky swear."

Dancing around in circles he yells "Hooray~!"

We stopped walking and they pointed out the dread maternity dress aisle "Look at that one Ricchan! It goes so pretty with your eyes!"

Dear lord. I need some chocolate covered pickles right about now.

**.o0o.**

HOME!

Oh sweet apartment, how I missed you today. Inside I danced for joy when I opened my apartment door and stepped inside.

The stuff for the baby will be delivered in a couple of day (it wouldn't fit in the car). Damn Isaka san and Kisa san for being shopaholic.

My back hurts and they forced me into a dress so now I feel exposed. Better change that once I get in bed and sleep.

I'm swaying in the halls, ready to collapse, when I hear a child wailing from the living room.

At first I believed I was going crazy again and was ready to freak out but then luckily I saw Takano san come to the halls and greet me.

Well tried to greet me with his little niece in his arms.

Awe! Hime is so cute!

She was being cradled by Takano but she didn't like it very much. The poor thing kept crying and wailing. "Awwe~" I cooed forgetting about the raven by me who was looking at me in shock "Is your mean uncle bullyingly you?"

Her cries settle down and then she made that cute giggling face!

AWE!

No one can resist those huge adorable chocolate innocent eyes as the cutie holds out her little arms to be carried. NO BODY!

Taking her from her uncle's arms, I coo at how adorable she is.

"O-Onodera? Y-you're seriously wearing a dress!" huh? looking down I remember that I am indeed in a dress.

Blushing I squeak "Sh-shut up! Isaka and Kisa made me! They said—"

"So YOU are Onodera Ritsu." A voice bellows out from behind Takano san.

"Eh? Yes."

A petite woman slightly taller than me (creepy) comes out from behind Takano san. She has dark brown eyes and curly hair that reaches her back.

"So you're the young lady that my brother knocked up" she eyes me up and down and lifts an eyebrow as she takes in me carrying little Hime, in a dress.

"Not bad Masamune, not bad at all" walking over to me she continues to stare down with intense look that makes me feel judged for some crime I might have done.

To my surprise, she pats my head "My name is Yoshiko Takano, Masamune's older sister, and let me apologize for him stupidity of not keeping it in and knocking you up."

Wha!

Flaming up from the choice of words I can't reply so I stutter incoherent things.

"No need to be ashamed" she somewhat smiles (I think it's a smile) "It's the idiot's fault for forcing a young adult, practically still a child, to become a mother so soon."

Well it is his fault but "It's not his fault" and this isn't my first pregnancy.

Attempting to break this awkward moment, Takano opens his mouth to get us into the living room but got cut off by his sister.

"This isn't your first."

Going stiff, I stare at her with wide eyes that will betray whatever I lie say.

"I can tell with the way you're treating my baby and that far away sad look in your eyes." Being stared at by both Takano's, I can't meet their gazes.

Burning holes on the ground with my eyes and holding the tears that want to escape in, I don't bother to fight against the arms that lead me to the couches in the living room.

She knows.

She figured it out and now Takano knows.

What will he think of me?

"Onodera" I ignore him in fear of being glared at.

Holding little Hime closer to me, I prepare for what Yoshiko san will say next.

"What happened to that baby?" I can feel her intense gaze drilling through my soul warning me not to lie to her.

Drops of salty water falls from my eyes as my mouth opens and spills what it kept down for so long. "H-he d-d-died."

I don't want to remember, I don't want to remember, I don't want to remember.

"How? If I may ask."

Please…don't talk mouth.

Don't…

"Miscarriage." My head sinks further down into Hime's dark baby hair "I went i-into premature labor when I had him and he…he d-didn't make it."

Once my secret is out I break into sobs as I let it all rush out, holding onto Hime for that little piece of calmness to keep me from truly breaking.

The anger and pain and guilt-everything rushes out escaping from the tears I shed.

I flinch and move away from the arms that wrap around me but they keep coming towards me, cornering me in the corner of the couch.

Nowhere to go, I shake in fear at what those arms would or might do but they just wrap around me and hold me until I calm down.

"I'm sorry" I hear Yoshiko say in a mothering voice "It's hard right? Losing the child that grew in you, part of you. It killed me when my first born died in child birth."

What… "Y-you too?" with one hand I cling to her "You know what's it like?"

"I do." Brushing my hair from my bangs she looks at me with understanding "I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first child (she was a girl) she died in my womb. Then right after, my boyfriend left me."

Why does life have to be so cruel?

"M-my…" taking a shaky breath, I open up to her "I was 15, just started high school, when I met my first love. After a while we started dating for a couple of months then…you know…two weeks later I find out I'm pregnant." Gulping I close my eyes and clench my fist harder "I was going to tell him the news but…_**stuff happened**_ and he left me fore I could tell him…4 months later I went into labor and gave birth to a stillborn baby boy."

"Oh my…"

"It wasn't fair! It was all Saga senpai fault that my child died! If he hadn't betrayed me I would have never been beaten or raped or treated like a boxing bag for that horrible week he gave me to his bastard friends! Those seniors! I would have been strong enough to keep my baby alive! I should have held on!"

Take these scars away.

The scars on my heart—take them away!

Hime's cry pulls my attention back to the present and away from the past. Rocking her gently I apologize for making her sad, whispering "It's ok, it's ok, it's ok."

That is all you hear if you were to come in this home.

"It's ok" like a mantra sung in the silence of this gloomy apartment.

Looking away from them I hear Yoshiko san tell Takano san "Masamune, I need to talk to you outside NOW."

"No."

"NOW" you can feel the venom directed at him "Onodera chan, I leave my daughter in your care for this week ok. I trust you with her."

They leave and I begin rocking myself along with Hime while still chanting its ok. But who was I chanting that to?

Little Hime.

Or myself.

* * *

"What the fuck was wrong with you!?" my sister spat slapping me across the face so hard I heard my jaw pop. "That's Oda! The girl you left when those thugs of friends took her?! You practically made that poor girl insane SAGA!"

"Keep it down! And I know!" haaah "there is no excuse for my actions and I wish I can take all of it away. I want to make it up to her, I really do. She doesn't recognize me and that's a good thing. This is my chance to make it up and give her the things she deserved from the very start. This is my chance to prove to her I really did love her and repent for fucking everything up."

"And the baby?!"

"I didn't know about that." And I don't know how to make that up.

Damn I am so sorry Ritsu. So sorry but that's all I can say.

You've been chained to me all these years, waiting for me to come and take responsibility by my actions and fix them. I will.

I am here and as I vowed to make you love me again, I vow to make sure you don't lose this baby and get the life both of you deserve.

I'm not letting you go again, I promise.

"Che! You better pray she's able to hang onto this child you shit. And be sure you keep her away from our satin of a mother. Who knows what that serpent will do if she finds out about her. Bye."

"Bye."

Leaning my head on the door I sigh, my heart breaking more than before.

Oh Masamune you ass…you have some big shoes to make up.

* * *

**Well what do you think?  
**

**THE TRUTH ABOUT RITSU'S BABY WAS FINALLY REVEALED!**

**Though i could have done better with how Takano feels about it.**

**I'm sorry TT^TT**

**The good news is they're gonna find our the gender in the next chapter!**

**anybody want to take a wild guess on the gender?**

**tile next time:3**


	20. deserted

**My classes are insane TT_TT**

**Mental break down people and it's only been a week!**

**If it weren't for DeathNoteLover235 i would have bashed my brains by now^_^**

**everyone thank her!**

**enjoy~**

* * *

Fragile heart Ch. 20

I have so much to make up to Ritsu.

So much to repent for, makes me wonder why I didn't do it years before.

I didn't go looking for him when he went missing. I asked around and confronted my so called 'friends' but I didn't go above and beyond like I should have.

And what did that do for me?

Nothing, meaning I don't know what or how messed up Ritsu is. I know he use to take medicine for the night terrors. I learned that his body is weaker than the average person because of my mistake and that he hasn't contacted his parents until this year; but a baby?

What else do I not know?

Like where was he living if not having seen or spoke to his parents for 10 whole years? How bad were the dreams then than now? Wh-what…what was he going to name our son before he found out he wouldn't live to open his eyes?

Just…how do I repent for such a thing?

Would you ever forgive me if you knew I was Saga senpai Ritsu?

Biting my bottom lip at the thought I push those thoughts back to the farthest reaches of the mind. I don't want to think of the past. I want to look forward to the future and help Ritsu through the darkest. Bring him back to that pure light that shines within himself.

I want him to be happy again and forget the past and I know deep down within me that lying to him is wrong and he doesn't deserve it but if it means he'll have this baby and get better then how can I crush that hope?

Hope…

Hope for who?

Ritsu or…hope for me to be with Ritsu?

"Che!"

It is 3:55 now that means we got to get to the doctors now or else.

Sighing I go back inside. My heart goes in my throat when Ritsu still hasn't moved from the couch with Hime in his arms rocking back and forth.

He stopped mumbling and calmed a bit but that doesn't mean he isn't still seeing the past. I have to be careful when approaching him.

Nearing slowly to him I say "Ritsu." He doesn't respond but he stops rocking "Ritsu be careful or you'll drop Hime." Blinking twice, he looks down at her then at me.

"…Takano…san?"

Smiling softly I nod "Come on, let's go see our baby kay?"

He doesn't reply which worries me but he allows me to help him off the couch. I wanted to take Hime off his hands but I guess that was a bad move. He flinched away from me when I reached out for her.

In the car I couldn't take the silence, turning on the radio I asked him "What do you want our child to be? Like what gender do you think our child is?"

He doesn't look at me, he doesn't even glance, but after a few minutes he speaks.

"A g-girl. I would like it to be…a little girl."

….

"Hm."

* * *

"Oh Onodera chan~ My how you blossomed from when we last met~!"

What the hell is up with this guy?

Every week we come he fawns over my lover.

"If you would please come up on the table and lay back a little. I'll have my assistant for today apply the gel and we'll get started!"

Gel?!

"Pervert" I mumbled watching the doctor like a hawk. I don't like this guy. I don't like how he acts and flirts with Ritsu. To others it seems innocent but I'm not stupid.

And what assistant is he talking about?!

"Move out the way sir."

"Hah?!"

I freak as a short boy comes from behind me. He looks like a little child, younger than Kisa, with crazy wavy dark brown hair and baggy clothes.

"Shouldn't you be in school boy?" I growl eyeing him as he put some gel substance on Ritsu's belly.

He simply smirks at me and says "First of all old geezer, I am a GIRL, FEMALE, and no. I already graduated out of school a long time ago and work here. Name is Cel."

"EH?! You, a girl?" me and Ritsu say in shock. She looks like a boy!

"Yes now don't move, this is will be kind of cold."

"Ok now~" the pervert doctor comes. He starts gliding his hands to Ritsu's belly with that sound wave thingy. Forgot what they're called. He moves in around on Ritsu's stomach while looking at the monitor. "Hmm…" I can feel Ritsu's fidget in fear then stiffens as the doctor's hands brushes against his leg when removing the thingy to see the baby.

Now I know you do not 'accidentally' brush someone's bare leg when your hand was on their belly, before I could confront him though, he smiles "It's a girl!"

My anger fades slowly as I swear I see a sparkle in Ritsu's eyes. His eyes go wide but you can see his glowing become even brighter than before.

Warmness fills me and I can't help but smile.

A little girl…

I can picture her now, her with Ritsu's eyes and soft features and my dark hair. So small and wanting mine or her mother's attention.

Ok, I am getting a bit ahead of myself but I'm happy. I'm going to have a family of my own with my sweet Ritsu. Who wouldn't be happy?!

I feel my face break out into a big grin as the shortie Cel helps Ritsu clean his belly off and give him the dress back to change out of the scrubs.

We are on our way to our apartment and out the elevator when right at my door step is none other than Satan herself in the flesh and glaring daggers as she spots us.

"What the hell are you doing here?" instinctively I put my arm protectively in front of Ritsu and Hime. I can see her evil glint as she looks over me and at Ritsu.

"What the hell is that thing doing holding Hime Masamune?" it hisses sinking its teeth deeply into my lover "And I learned you got IT knocked up. Is this true-son? Were you going to try and hide this from me?"

The way she called Ritsu and IT pissed me off so badly my head felt as if it would explode and beat the living shit out of her.

"No mother" I spat "honestly I don't care what you think. All I know is you will not be rude to Ritsu and call HIM and IT. Also you don't run my life, I do, and I don't want you to be in my life so get the fuck out now old hag."

"Masamune! How dare you talk to me this way!" her cold eyes puts mine to shame "honestly throwing your life away for this-this…abomination! It's disgusting! What ever happened to the son I use to know hm?" oh shit, I thought looking behind at Ritsu "The one that was quiet and listened. I would rather have that loner child that read a lot in high school than this discrimination of a man!"

Oh no, oh shit, oh—

"High school?"

Fuck!

"Pushing my arm gently out the way, Ritsu walks forward questioning the devil "High school…he use to read a lot in high school?" I see worry in his eyes, fear. "Which high school?"

Eying his slight belly bump, she "Hmp" then glares "Why should I tell you, freak."

Hearing enough I rush over and slap her instantly. I didn't mean to slap my mother but it happened. She wouldn't stop insulting Ritsu.

Hime begins crying and mother, holding her cheek, snatches her away from Ritsu which makes Hime cry even more.

"Masamune" she clicks her tongue "Open this damn door right now or else." Feeling numb within her presence, I open the door and allow her in.

"I'll come over as soon as she leaves ok Onodera." I assure him "Just wait in your apartment and forget all the things she said. She's just a bitch."

Too busy keeping an eye on my own mother I missed the look Ritsu gave me. The look of realization creeping in and anxiety.

Maybe if I were to have paid better attention that moment I would have never went in his apartment with Hime to find it deserted.

My only clue of where he might have gone: none.

* * *

**So this sucks -_-  
**

**i am ashamed of myself i really am.**

**forgive me.**

**BUT! School comes first to me since i don't want low grades and end up with a horrible future where i can't follow my dreams so until then bear with me please. I will start getting my mojo back for this fanfic as soon as i sort out my school work.**

**THE CLASSES ARE HARD!**

**until then~**

**but ohhh~~~ we are getting close to the present lol**

**any ideas/thoughts you like to share?**

**:3**


	21. dead end

**Now we caught up to the past lol.**

**It's funny how my writer's block lifted for this. i was going to pour cereal and eat it when i got hit with the inspiration. lol it was like i think 12 something at night yesterday when i started:D**

**Next chapter i will put your names don't worry:3**

**enjoy~**

* * *

A dead end

This is how I felt,

A dead end keeping me from choosing what to do and where to go.

I'm stuck in front of a fork in the road and unsure of which path to walk.

No choice but to accept and learn to love again for my baby's sake but how can I when the man might be the one that took everything from me in the first place?

When those words left those blood red lips, dread sank its teeth in me. Hard and full of awareness.

When he went inside with his mother and niece, leaving me to myself, a full blow punch of panic swept over me making my body go rigid.

There's no way I could have been calm after hearing what I did. I could think rationally and come up with some lie to soothe my panic attack. Instead I ran.

I ran as far as my pregnant body allowed.

From the apartment

From the building

From the man that pumped his seed in me as I was downright wasted. From all the things that happened these past months yet some still followed me.

I had gotten far enough away when the adrenaline wore off leaving me a panting fatigued mess. Pain shot up my back to my stomach causing me to gasp as if I got stabbed. Clasping a hand to calm my child, I failed to notice the figure coming out the bookstore close by followed by another shorter figure until my names left their lips.

"Ritsu?!"

"Ricchan!?"

Specks of white forms in my mind's eye making me woozy and want to vomit. The images of Senpai leaving me pounded in my head making me fall over. If not for warm hands catching me as I went over who knows what would have happened.

"Ritsu can you hear?" the voice sounds as if it's far away, out of my reach.

Just as everything else is.

I don't really remember what happened afterwards. I don't know if I panicked when the hands caught me and fought to get away. I can't remember what those voices where saying or who they were calling out to. Was it me?

I do remember however snippets of the things I said/screamed.

No! Don't let him leave me!

Come back!

Don't let them hurt please!

Help!

Keep them away!

Senpai!

When I came through and back to reality I wasn't outside laying on cold cemented pavement anymore. I was in a white silk covered bed, in a cozy one man apartment keeping me warm from the chilly night.

Easing up, a small hand guides me back down into the warmth of the sheets.

"Don't move for now ok?" it takes a few moments to register the voice in my brain but eventually I got it together to recognize the voice.

"Kou?"

Fuji's brother and my second best friend smiles down at me with the everlasting gentleness he shows but there's concern as well.

"What happened?" the question comes shooting me through another loop down memory lane.

It's so much to explain and think through but as much as I want it all out, to receive help and guidness of how to clear my fears, I can't open my mouth.

Everything stays in, constricting my throat, making it want to split itself open in order to escape from its confines. I'm caught between a triangle of wanting to let the words out, wanting to cry, and wanting to run straight for the bathroom to upchuck a liver.

Can't decide which is better.

Seems like upchucking wins.

Good thing Kou handed me a waste basket, don't want to ruin his silk covers.

"Ricchan?" I turn my head slightly as I try to stop the world from spinning too fast. Kisa stand at the foot of the bed, worry brown eyes search my gem green ones.

"Whatyoudoinghere?" great now my speech is going out on me.

They don't seem to mind my still twilight state but they jump up when tears fall for no reason, or so they think.

"What's wrong? Tell us." Their words echo through my mind but I refuse to give in and remember the suspicion again.

I don't want to tell what happened, what I heard.

Don't want to connect the dots and see what picture I made.

I don't want to confirm the possible truth and have it wash me away again like a tsunami wave, washing me away with the life I worked hard to get back.

Because the truth can destroy a person and betrayal can close a person's heart. Forever.

Dreams and delusions are so much better and it's sad when you wake up from them to face reality once more.

In the background of my faze musing, Kou and Kisa are discussing.

Kisa: "What should we do? He's not opening up."

Kou: "I don't know…he's really riled up. What could have caused that?"

Kisa: "You don't think…I should call Takano."

Keh!

"NO!" jumping out of bed, Kou isn't quick enough to catch me this time so I land flat on my butt. Kisa comes near hoping to ease my jittery state but it does nothing as of the sort. In a way it worsens it. "Don't call him!"

I didn't run away and pass out to be dragged back to-to-to…I don't even know him.

He might be senpai but who's to say?

Come to think about it, I don't much about Takano Masamune. I only know he has a mother and sister because I met them (or they met me?) but what about him as a person?

His past

His mother said (screamed) that he always read a lot when he was younger and was a loner.

Ok. Ok.

So maybe I AM over reacting but the only kid I know/knew who fits that description IS senpai and that makes me fear worse. Confused. Angry.

And so much more.

Without my notice Kisa holds me, cradling my head in his lap and rubbing soothing circles on my slightly showing belly.

"Want some pants?" he asks which I accept quickly.

I'm too big for Kisa's clothes so Kou gives me his to go change into and wash up.

I'm grateful to them I think as I finish changing but then something, a question, strikes me.

Why are they together?

Are they dating or just became friends?

Well…they seem to go nicely together so I don't think I should care. It's not my business to intrude and ask possible uncomfortable questions.

I have something bigger to worry about like—

Where am I going to go tonight?

My apartment (yeah right. Back to my only sanctuary right by my demise.)

Here (No Kou is a one man apartment like mine so having three men here will be too crowded and awkward not to mention.)

Fuji's (…I already hurt him enough.)

So what now?

There is…no, I can't. Not them. Not after what I did to them.

_You weren't in your right state of mind._

That doesn't give me an excuse Isaka. It was still me that hurt them.

Yeah…but what other choice do I have?

Living the bathroom for the kitchen to get to the door and leave, Kou stops me. "Hey, where are you going? You have to rest."

I shake my head apologizing "I can't rest, I'm restless right now and I don't want to bother you anymore than I did."

Not dropping it, he hits me with "Stay here, I don't mind. Besides I already called Fuji" WHAT! Behind Kou I see Kisa talking on his cell. Normal right?

Then why does it presents itself as an omen?

Hanging up, my dreads are confirmed "I finished talking to Takano. He was freaking out when I told him and he says he's on his way to pick Ricchan up."

Holy shit!

Why?

Why would they do this to me?

I get that they're worried but they didn't have to call Fuji or Takano!

Until I find out who Takano really is, though I don't want to know, I'm not getting ANYWHERE near the guy!

As for Fuji, I don't want to picture how this will go down.

It's best if I split and run for life (if I had anymore life to run for).

Ok so now I have no choice so best option at this moment of truce: catching them off guard and sprinting out the building before anyone can say uncle.

On my feet again I run to a populated area and hide myself in the crowd. It's hard because I have to stay cautious of my belly since I'm not showing through these baggy clothes. They're falling off of me!

But I keep on my feet and soon hail a taxi.

Not chancing a look behind, I give the driver the address I read from the letter.

"Long day?" eyes pick at me through the review mirror. The guy smiles politely, so I do the same.

"You have no idea."

This is where my damn pregnant self grows weak again; when I get dropped off. The driver was nice enough to offer to assist me since I looked pale as a ghost (or worse) but I waved him off and paid him. He did his good deed for the day.

Finding the house wasn't really difficult but the contractions that bombarded my body was unbearable! Why are you kicking me little girl?

Don't you want to see grandma and grandpa?

Another kick. Guess not.

Knocking on the door, I grew desperate to get in. Like an urgency to get inside or something will pop out and take me away. I felt eyes staring at me, feeling me up. It might have been my imagination but I didn't care. I just wanted inside.

I didn't even manage to stay awake when the door did finally open revealing my dad getting ready to bark at the person outside, of course not knowing I was the person.

Right before I passed out I called out to them.

* * *

**So review and give me some ideas how this should go down lol^_^  
**

**though i might not update as frequent but i will try to post at least something on the weekends:)**

**til next time**


	22. just something random

**Ok so i have no new chapter for you guys this weekend sorry:(  
**

**School is keeping me busy plus writer's block and to top it off me and a friend is doing a collaboration with our own stories so...yeah:/**

**BUT~~~~~**

**I do want to give you guys something though it's random and not really part of this story:)**

**Just something to give this week since i promised to post something every weekend. **

**This is part of My friend's and I collaboration;)**

**enjoy~**

* * *

**_Takumi & Minoru_** _**lemon~**_

_Once inside the bedroom Minoru was thrown on the bed groaning as Takumi crawled over him. "W-wait!" he pleaded but Takumi refused to listen._

_Instead, Takumi kissed him passionately, distracting him as he undid Minoru's buttons and pants. Being taken by surprised as his manhood was jerked out from its confinement, Minoru moaned out in shock bucking his hips into Takumi's hand._

"_T-Takumi…st-op, I'm going t-to—ah!" He came in Takumi's hand. Blushing from the embarrassment, Minoru had to look away ashamed that he came so fast._

_But Takumi would have none of that._

_Taking Minoru's face in his hand, Takumi forced Minoru to look at him. _

"_Don't look away" his breath was husky "I want to see your face." _

_After saying that and earning a crimson blush from his young lover, Takumi then proceeded to loosen Minor so he won't hurt him when he fucks him senseless._

_Spreading his lover's legs wide, Takumi inserts a digit in Minoru's hole, trusting in and out until he's ready to insert another then a third finger until Minoru is loose enough._

"_Ta-kumi!" Minoru's voice hitched as the fingers were replaced but Takumi's manhood. Being stretched by something so big, he held onto Takumi's shoulders like he was holding onto deal life, digging his nails in Takumi's back._

"_Minoru" Takumi breathed, thrusting in Minoru at a slow paste while gradually picking up speed until he was practically banging Minoru like a super rabbit on steroids. _

_They voices got louder and wilder until they finally reached their peak._

"_Ah-Takumi!" Minoru screamed as he came._

_Hearing his name being called at such a sensual voice, Takumi was pushed off the edge and joined Minoru, coming inside his tight hole. _

_Catching their breath from their rough activity, the boys' eyes locked and stared into the depths of their souls._

_Not being able to resist one another they shared a kiss of—_

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WRITING YOU PERVERTED LITTLE DEMON!?"

'Ah, they found my stash of fanfictions' I thought watching the ones I made the fanfiction about bitch at me for "writing without their permission and turning them into gay rabbits." All while turning fifty shades of red!

I feel so accomplished.

"What the hell do you have to say for yourself Sinful?!" Minoru screamed at me.

What do I have to say?

Smiling widely, I say in a seductive voice "So worth it."

"I GIVE YOU WORTH IT!" Takumi ripped my story to pieces!

"Ah my stories!"

No one…no one RIPS MY STUFF AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

**~Interference has occurred **

**Please stand by~**

"No! We're sorry Sinful! Please stop!"

"Never! Since you guys ripped my precious story, you guys will make it up to me!"

"But this…"

"Shut up and fuck, I don't have all day." I ordered videotaping them.

_**The end:D**_


	23. Fragile Heart

**Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
MY INSIDES ARE DISINTEGRATING! **

**It…hurts….*drops dead***

**Deathday1313- dedicated to you for your encouraging words and ideas to help me out:3**

* * *

I stood there, alone, with my niece in my arm but no pregnant lover. He was gone, left, all thanks to that bitch who claims to have raised me!

I was happy when Kisa called telling me that Ritsu was there but it ended in heart break once learned he sprinted out the door. Then that prick Fujiwara had to show up. He claimed straight out once he finds Ritsu, MY Ritsu, he will take him away from with our child.

I haven't rested since trying to look for Ritsu before Fujiwara found him.

It was hopeless.

So here I am three days later.

I'm tired, exhausted, scared.

Where could he be right?

Are you even alright Ritsu?

What about the baby?

Little Hime started crying, it was as if she was doing what I wanted to do right now, cry for my sweet brunet back.

"There, there Hime." I rocked here to and fro "I'll get your auntie back, I swear."

No matter what.

If only I knew where the hell he is and if he and my child are ok!

I can't take it!  
I feel as if my whole body has become vacant without the pregnant man at my side and it's so cold. I just want him back. In my arms where I can shield him in protection and shower him with apologies.

Groaning I laid Hime down between soft pillows so she won't fall over the couch and hurt herself. I need sleep but I can't fall asleep. I don't know, a little part of me is hoping, praying up there to the big man, that my Ritsu is safe and will come back.

If only things were different.

If only I wasn't stupid Saga senpai, the prick, bastard, coward that left Ritsu and our unborn child with revolting men to have their way with him.

If only…

***KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK***

Groaning at the stupid knocks, I intend to ignore whoever the person is but then I shove that thought away. What if it's Ritsu?

Has he come back?

I try to keep my hopes to a minimum but it does nothing as I rush to the door and yank the damn wood off its hinges.

"Ritsu!"

"Whoa!" No it's not Ritsu dammit. It's Isaka and his faithful pup.

"What do you guys want?" I all but growl.

"Calm down Takano kun!" Isaka sings "We're here for the cutie mother, is she in, we brought all the things for the baby and her~"

Agitated I can feel my left eye twitch "HE'S not here."

That got there attention.

"What do you mean not here? Where is he?"

"I don't know he ran out and haven't been back…" I drift off, my voice breaking.

I don't know where my heart is.

Moments pass when I feel myself shoved and Isaka entering by me. He goes to the living room coos at my niece then looks around for something.

"Hmmm…aha!" he runs to the dining room table as I feel my temper ticking away then finally snaps.

"What the hell yer doing?! Get out!"

"Here it is!" ignoring me like the bitch he is, he smiles wide opening …an envelope? What does an envelope have anything to do with my Rits—

Epiphany falls down on me, big time.

That's the letter Isaka gave to Ritsu about his parents.

"Come Takano kun! The address is on here as I suspected, off we go. MOVE!"

"I'm coming! Can't you see I need to get my niece?"

* * *

Later we arrive at a house, not big like I expected since the Onodera's are rich, but cozy and nice looking. Like a cottage almost.

Isaka knocks on the door humming as we wait for the owner to answer. We wait for like a minute when we here a gruff "Hold on!" then the door opens revealing a middle age man. You can tell he's old from the wrinkles by his eyes but he looks good for an old man.

"Ah Isaka!" the man greets "How can I help you?"

Smiling again, said man gestures to me "Hey Onodera sama. Is the expecting mother here, she forgot her hubby!"

Onodera Sama looks me over, his eyes suddenly narrow and intimidating that I can't hold his gaze long. I distract myself by looking over the man then my eyes go wide.

Ritsu's in there, heading up the stairs in a baby blue maternity dress. He's showing more now than from three days ago and it seems his hair got longer that he had to braid it a bit.

So beautiful…

"Ritsu!" I push my way pass after the man I love.

He sees me and blanches immediately.

"Ritsu!" I say again but he runs (quick waddles?) away and up the stairs from me.

No!  
Not again!

Not this time!

You're not going to get me again Karma!

I catch him as he goes in a room and stop him from closing the door on me. Pushing my weight against the heavy oak, I pry the damn wood open and seize Ritsu, taking him in my arm.

We back inward to the middle of the room, struggling.

Him pushing

Me pulling

Since I'm stronger he gives up and starts bawling sliding to the floor, exhausted. "Why?!" he screams, hitting my chest with a bruising effort but I don't flinch. "Why, why?!"

What should I do?

I know what he's asking but what do I do?

_Tell him the truth._

I can't…it'll hurt the baby and kill him.

…

"W-wh" I clear my throat "What are you talking about Ritsu?" I lift his teary face to me "Baby, look at me. what are you talking about? Why what?"

He stares at me searching but not finding what he's looking for.

An audience made up of Isaka and Ritsu's parents watch from the doorway, daring not to interrupt.

Slowly Ritsu's delicate hands snake up to my chest to clench my shirt.

"Tell me this…" he licks his rosy lips "D-did you have the n-name S-saga in high school? Just tell me this with no lies."

I bite my lip.

_Don't do it!_

My heart yelled out beating me from inside out but my mind was dominating. I can't lose him. I can't make him miserable again and have him lose his baby.

Our baby.

I can't…tell him.

"Well?"

Forcing my turmoil back along with the guilt I stared into those wonderful green hues I love so much. "No. I don't know who this Saga is."

Emotions dance like tidal waves across my lover's face.

Worried to relief to guilt and sadness.

My heart rips as more tears fall and he snuggles his head in my chest trying to block the world out.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." My shirt dampens with the tears as those words get muffled in them. "I'm so sorry!"

No.

Don't be sorry….

I'm the bastard that needs to say those words not you.

Because I'm doing nothing but being a coward

And manipulating your

_**Fragile heart.**_

* * *

**Ok, ok, ok!**

**I have some BIG and hopefully not too upsetting news.**

***Clears throat* Ritsu, if you will~**

**Ritsu: Hai *Bows* thank you all for your undying support and love for nekocandy san's story/stories. As much as she appreciates it…**

**ME: I DO! They make me bleed tears of joy!**

**Ritsu: O.o a-anyways…due to some things that came up and also unending ideas for a sequel for this story, she has decided this is the last chapter for Fragile Heart. We shall put your names at the bottom and as much as I would have liked this to end happy, it doesn't (because the neko is a sadist.)**

**Me: What you say dear Ritsu? Have you forgotten I, ME, THE NEKO, Holds your life in my hands for all my stories. I could easily rewrite them you know… *evil smile***

**Ritsu: I-I mean NEKO IS SO NICE AND SWEET! ALL HER STORIES ARE NOT SADISTIC!**

**ME: :3**

**Ritsu: A-ano *Shivers as neko stares at back with a Mino smile* we hope you enjoyed and continue the adventure in the sequel. *Runs***

**ME: NAMES!**

**Thank you~**

**Deathday1313, beckyhilly, Akira-chan303, RENAImochi, hiyokocchi, hitomi65, pink frozen rose, CiciGee1, DeathNoteLover235,** **Yaoifangirl89,** **Mizookie **

**Also thanks to those who have favored and liked this story.**

**Til next time~**


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